Vampire

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Maya Angelou

We’ve all been there – that moment when someone we love and trust betrays us on such a level that it brings us to our knees. We sob on the bathroom floor with that ache in the middle of our chests that can hurt worse than any physical pain.

This happened to me recently.

It’s happened before.

It will happen again.

Leaving me with the inevitable question – why did I trust someone who did not deserve to be in the inner circle of my life? How and why did I ignore the two times previously when they betrayed me? Why did I make excuses? Why did I let my heart remain soft? Why did I not protect myself from the inevitable duplicity that comes with certain people? Why did I not see the ways they’d done it to others in their life? I am not stupid. As a matter of fact, discernment about other people is my gift. It’s what makes me a good writer. But, sometimes, no matter your radar, we allow and ignore and rationalize. Why?

I don’t know the answers. I suppose it has something to do with who I am and where I am in my life right now; my vulnerability after ending a 12-year marriage is like walking around with my soft underbelly exposed to the world. And some people, like the vampires we’re all so fond of reading about in fiction, can smell that vulnerability and move in for the kill with their sharp and crooked teeth.

And at the end of the dark night, when we search for answers or plead for acknowledgement and apology for their careless and selfish behavior and we get nothing back but shame and accusations, we have to let go. We have to lean into the voices of our real friends, the ones who answer their phone no matter the hour of the day, the ones who let you cry and vent and never say, I told you so. Even though they did. Even though they worried over your soft underbelly with a silent wrinkling of their brows.

But I won’t forget now. I won’t forget who was there and who wasn’t.

And I will close my eyes tonight, my heart full with the love of my real friends. Each night as I sleep and days that I love with my soft and vulnerable underbelly is a triumph over betrayal. A victory over the vampires that try and steal our souls.

What do I leave for you? Just this. Open your eyes. Tell yourself the truth. See a vampire for what they are: their lies, their narcissism, their selfishness. And let go. Pick up the phone and call the one who always answers.

And then close your eyes and dream of the beautiful life awaiting.