That Worry

I’m a worrier. I know this. I’m not actually surprised by this either. When I decide to write a book, I’m worried the entire time. Yes, there’s that excitement that comes with the initial plotting and start to the book. Then there’s the actual writing of the book where I’m fretting, scared, annoyed, depressed, excited, annoyed again, and depressed again. But I’m always worrying.

I never like the books I’m writing until I’m through edits. Yes, I like it overall and I like the idea, but I usually go through parts where I hate it and then it takes me reading it again and cleaning it up to like it again. A lot of writers go through this so thankfully I’m not alone.

Then there comes time for a book to release. Will my readers like it? Will they even KNOW it’s out to buy it? Will it sell like 5 copies and then never be shown again? Yes, I go through that with each book.

Her Warriors’ Three Wishes is one of my most stressful books so far. I planned my Dante’s Circle series in Jan 2012 and started writing the first book soon after. Dust of My Wings came out in July of 2012 to amazing reviews, though not as many readers as my other series. I mean, it did great, but not as great as my others LOL. Then because of my Holiday Montana series, I had to push Dante’s Circle series back until book 2 was in April 2013. That might not seem like a big gap, but in a reading world where people are constantly barraged with new and shiny books, those months were a long time coming.

Now book 2 is out and people love it (I know the hating will come soon and I’ll be prepared for it as always). Book 3, An Unlucky Moon, will be out in September. Yes, a large gap, but not as many months as before. A special novella about Fawkes will be out in Nov. I know that with each new book in a series, I might gain and lose readers. I just hope that people find this series in the first place LOL.

As for that other worry that came with this book…well…it’s a menage. It’s a menage where a m/m/f relationship occurs. That means Jamie is with Ambrose and Balin…and Balin and Amborse are together as well. I thought about doing a m/f/m relationship when I plotted the series, and I can’t write it. I don’t know how two of my male characters can be in the same relationship without being together. In fact, a lot of the time (like with Reed and Josh in Trinity Bound) the male relationship almost takes center stage and the woman is happy to be with both of them knowing her men love each other.

Some people don’t like menage. They think it’s icky or unrealistic or they think it’s been done too much. I don’t go into writing menage because it’s different or easy, I go into it knowing it’s a legitimate relationship that can happen in my paranormal world.

People don’t like the gay/bi aspect and I’ve lost readers for all my books (including the straight relationships). Honestly, it’s not a political agenda. It’s just what my characters do. I’m sad to lose those readers, but I can’t change their mind.

So yes, I’m a worrier. With each new book I’m always afraid it won’t live up to expectations, but I write anyway. I’m scared to death about Maddox’s story, but honestly, it’s my mind. Maddox and Ellie did what they wanted in this book and I’m happy with it. My beta is happy with it. My editor loves it.

I’m just doing what I do. And worrying while I do it.

So yes, you just got inside the mind of a writer. Scary, isn’t it?