Accept Love the Way It Is Given

This is how I know my husband loves me:  He calls me a few times a day just to see how I’m doing.

But let me tell you how I wanted him to love me:  Chores.

In case you haven’t noticed, there is a great disparity between phone calls and chores.  There was a chasm of difference between what I expected and what I was actually receiving.

In the early years of marriage, I was constantly annoyed.  I was annoyed because Matt wasn’t helping with the dishes or making the bed.  I was also annoyed because he called me during the day –for no reason.  What do you want? I would ask impatiently.  (This from a person who only calls someone when there is a purpose to be accomplished in making the call.)  He would say, Just saying hi, seeing how you’re doing.  And I would think –no purpose?  Just saying hi?  This seemed meaningless to my very task-oriented personality.

Then one day it dawned on me –this is how Matt loves me.  He calls.  He doesn’t hop up and do the dishes, but he thinks about me all day when he’s at work or away on a trip.  So I stopped expecting him to do chores as a sign of his love for me and started eagerly awaiting his phone calls during the day.  Instead of seeing them as a pointless interruption, I started receiving them like a bouquet of flowers.

When I saw how Matt was loving me and accepted phone calls as his signature, I started to appreciate his love.

Now if he doesn’t call me during the day because he’s too busy, I start to feel anxious and wonder what’s wrong.  I miss his demonstration of love because it’s like clockwork 90% of the time.

Have you studied how your man shows love to you?  Do you appreciate his signature style, or do you constantly wish he would love you the way you demand?  Let me tell you, I’m coming up on our 22 year anniversary, and married life is best when we tailor our expectations to fit the unique personality of our spouse.