The Encouragement Found In What Only God Can Do

“Do not limit the limitless God! With Him, face the future unafraid because you are never alone.” -Mrs Charles E Cowman

In the summer of 2006 I went off of birth control. My husband Mark and I had been married for about five years at that point and we had decided that it was time to at least stop preventing. The decision was also triggered  by a trip to Africa that I was taking in July as my Doctor had said that birth control can contribute to blood clots in the legs on long haul flights. Given both of these things, the decision was made and I stopped taking my pills at the end of June.

Although I had always been regular before, once I stopped taking birth control my period never came again. After three months I asked my Doctor about it and she assured me that it can take months for the body to adjust. She said to come back in a couple more months if nothing changed, and so I did. At that point we started looking into some tests for explanations. I was asked by various medical professionals if I was experiencing high levels of stress or running too much. I assured them that I was not. After nine months and still no period, I was seen at the hospital for an ultrasound and other tests. At this time I was told that they were unsure of exactly why I had Amenorrhoea (lack of period) and that perhaps we should start looking into infertility treatment. For the first time I felt truly discouraged. I arrived home  that evening to find Mark sitting at the dining table. I walked over to him and sat on his lap. I told him all about the tests and how worried I was that I could never give him a child. He gently stroked my hair and with what seemed to be perfect peace, assured me that we would be fine no matter what. Tears come to my eyes whenever I think of this gentle moment between us and what was to come. Two months later Mark was killed in a plane crash.

In the initial years after Mark died I did not bother going to the Doctor. What did it matter if I had Amenorrhoea and was unable to conceive? My husband was dead and I didn’t believe I would ever remarry. Besides that, if the Doctors were worried about stress or too much running being the cause before, they were legitimate reasons now as I had taken up training for marathons to deal with my grief.

During this time, I met and became good friends with another young widow. Her husband had died about a year before and soon after his death she found out she was pregnant. She had thought that she would be able to have a piece of him, only to miscarry not long after. As time went on my dear friend met and married a wonderful man years later. It was an honor to be at her wedding. Even though our lives differed so much, we were able to stay in touch from time to time. I was happy for her as I knew marriage and family was something she longed for. I just wasn’t so sure I wanted the same.

When I met my now husband, John, one of the first things I learned about him was how important family was. He was absolutely wonderful around kids and It made me nervous in dating him as I was worried I couldn’t give him a child. Given my history, I had it set in my mind that God intended for me not to have children. I tried to break up with John numerous times, telling him that he would make a wonderful father and that I just couldn’t give him that life. He would smile and encourage me by saying that he believed God wanted us to be together and that he chooses me, with or without children. We were married November 2, 2013.

In the beginning of our second month of marriage  I noticed that I wasn’t feeling quite myself. I pushed it aside until one morning, after waking up slightly ill, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I stared in absolute awe at the results. They were Positive.  I woke John and we stared at the test with wide eyes. Clearly I had limited God because I had come to believe that it just wasn’t possible or meant to be for me to have a child. Apparently God had other plans.

After the first trimester I shared the news of my pregnancy publicly. My friend, the widow who lost her husband and unborn baby, contacted me to tell me that she too was pregnant and that we had the SAME DUE DATE! We laughed thinking of all we have been through and for God’s clear answer to our prayers. And so, whenever I question this pregnancy, I look back on my history and the encouragement that is so clearly given along the way. God’s plans for your life may not be anywhere in your realm of thinking, so pray and be open to His movement. God may have some surprising plans if you trust and follow Him.