GIMME SOME JESUS TO GO!
Have you heard the one about the guy who drove his car through a church? Happened right here in Vegas. While some might write the guy off as a disgruntled worshipper (to borrow one from the late, great George Carlin), I get what he was driving at (pardon the pun).
As I see it, the dude was just trying to keep things interesting. Bring a lil' of the thrill and excitement of NASCAR to his churchgoing experience. And who could blame him? Let's face it, religion is fuckin' boring! There. I said it -- and I haven't been turned into a pillar of salt!
Christianity's a drag. A 2,000 year old lie propagated by some guy named Saul of Tarsus; who hallucinated the whole thing after being thrown from his horse during an earthquake while on the road to Damascus. A lie spun into a vast real estate empire run by some ol' fart in Rome, who believes women are second-class citizens, and people should only fuck when they wanna reproduce (that means 4 times during your life if you're Catholic; 8 times if you're Mormon).
By the way, Pontiff, the Vatican isn't exactly a trip to Six Flags either. I mean I like frescoes of naked Italians as much as the next guy, but c'mon man! I can get the same effect at a Knight's of Columbus mixer in the men's room at Krave. Speaking of theme parks -- why the fuck not? How 'bout a "Vatican" theme park? Can't ya just see it? Why throw softballs at milk cans, when you can cast stones at that whore, Mary Magdalene? (Win a Jesus throw pillow for your double-wide!) . . . There's even a petting zoo! (Yeah kids, those are REAL lepers!)
And hey, isn't it time the "Prince of Peace" had a makeover? It worked for Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben. That halo and crown of thorns is so 32 A.D.! Time the Messiah had a look that's representative of his constituency. I'm thinkin' somethin' a lil' more Ted Nugent. How 'bout ol' J.C. rockin' a goatee and mullet? Maybe a pair of shades and NRA ball cap? Packin' an AR-15, and over his camouflage hunter khakis, sportin' a T-shirt that reads: DO UNTO OTHERS -- THEN SPLIT!!!
After all, Jesus didn't make all men equal -- Smith & Wesson did!
As I see it, the dude was just trying to keep things interesting. Bring a lil' of the thrill and excitement of NASCAR to his churchgoing experience. And who could blame him? Let's face it, religion is fuckin' boring! There. I said it -- and I haven't been turned into a pillar of salt!
Christianity's a drag. A 2,000 year old lie propagated by some guy named Saul of Tarsus; who hallucinated the whole thing after being thrown from his horse during an earthquake while on the road to Damascus. A lie spun into a vast real estate empire run by some ol' fart in Rome, who believes women are second-class citizens, and people should only fuck when they wanna reproduce (that means 4 times during your life if you're Catholic; 8 times if you're Mormon).
By the way, Pontiff, the Vatican isn't exactly a trip to Six Flags either. I mean I like frescoes of naked Italians as much as the next guy, but c'mon man! I can get the same effect at a Knight's of Columbus mixer in the men's room at Krave. Speaking of theme parks -- why the fuck not? How 'bout a "Vatican" theme park? Can't ya just see it? Why throw softballs at milk cans, when you can cast stones at that whore, Mary Magdalene? (Win a Jesus throw pillow for your double-wide!) . . . There's even a petting zoo! (Yeah kids, those are REAL lepers!)
And hey, isn't it time the "Prince of Peace" had a makeover? It worked for Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben. That halo and crown of thorns is so 32 A.D.! Time the Messiah had a look that's representative of his constituency. I'm thinkin' somethin' a lil' more Ted Nugent. How 'bout ol' J.C. rockin' a goatee and mullet? Maybe a pair of shades and NRA ball cap? Packin' an AR-15, and over his camouflage hunter khakis, sportin' a T-shirt that reads: DO UNTO OTHERS -- THEN SPLIT!!!
After all, Jesus didn't make all men equal -- Smith & Wesson did!
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
Angela
(new)
May 04, 2013 02:48PM
I laughed out loud even though I'm Catholic!
reply
|
flag
