Please oh please tell me that is a huge garden hose

If you are the faint of heart, stop reading this post.

If you’ve got nerves of steel, please move into my neighborhood.

Once you’re unpacked, buy lots of garbage bags. You’ll need them soon.

When the sun comes out, I’ll call you. We’ll go for a nice walk.

At first, you’ll think it’s pleasant. You’ll be glad you moved next door.

But you might wonder why I’m chattering nervously as we approach the field.

Ah, the red barn. How quaint.

I’ll grab your arm and say, “Shhhhh!”

You’ll wonder why I’m pale and sweating.

We’ll turn into the field.

I’ll ask you if you brought a garbage bag.

When you say no, I’ll stuff my bag into your hands.

I’ll gently push you in front of me and point to a long black object in the grass.

You might think it’s a long garden hose. It ain’t…unless garden hoses slither. And hiss.

I’ll urge you to stuff the snake into the garbage bag and make him go away.

You’ll stuff him in the bag, because you have nerves of steel.

And because that’s what friends do for each other.

Afterwards, I’ll name all my kids after YOU.

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Have you encountered a 15 foot snake on one of your walks?

If not, would you like the one in my field?

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This post brought to you by Anything You Ask.

She married a deaf man with too many secrets…and fell in love.

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