I was dropped as a baby...on purpose

The greatest humiliation being back where you started from in a violently involuntary manner, is the suffering from the social functions you cannot  beg out of.  To spending your sleeping hours awake in a semi-panic of making a scene that’ll get back to your Mom…. precipitating an earlier than expected intervention time than later on next month.  How long can I steadfastly refuse group therapy and claiming I’m a latent nail biter?

So I go to this amalgamation of social functions: a funeral and bat-mitzvah both on the same day as fate would have it, as Luck was no where to be found…probably rolled in some alleyway when trying to be a good Samaritan, because that’s the way Luck rolls…

So goes the parade of people I’d sooner get a twice baked abortion before kissing them on the cheek, and start making excuses for my current lifestyle…to their condescendingly sniffs of disdain…FUCK OFFF …Time for target practice out by the hearses…that’s such a cool vehicle …if it were painted in chartreuse and some pimpin’chrome rims

My Aunt Stink Thighs pops up from nowhere…and what I’ve learned from years of living in a small town and despising everybody is, if you try to run and hide you’re burnt toast…so hide in plain sight…a goofy smile is the best camouflage…leg twitches and murmuring helps too…so I’m doing my best Sammy Davis Jr. humming the ‘Candy Man’ and the cloak of invisibility starts…I feel brazen enough to unzip my fly and let the windmilling begin but it was cold today and she might get frostbite poor dear….

I ex-cape

My sphincter is twitchy but basically unscathed, so I wait at the bus stop resplendently dressed in a bespoke Neapolitan suit I had made years ago when flush with cash- looking a bit out of place with a foreign greasy type next to me, whose nicotined fingers and yellowish smile that looked like he ate lots of vitamins and stored his urine in his teeth

Greasy Foreigner: ‘What time did you say it is?”                                           Me ‘I didn’t’

Try to get the better of me will you!!!! ???  Uneducated upstart!! At a bus stop no less!!!  …There something about that suit…it possesses me.  I’m the arrogant wiseass asshole beloved by my friends and serfs alike… I miss him, he was fun- I gotta get back to being him…the legend 

So I get to the bat-mitzvah and not a moment too soon…it was many moments too soon…I scan the place with my faux cyborg scanning device embedded into my imaginary brain and realize this place is just rife with undesirables and people that make me squirm a if the meth bugs had crawled up my arms and made me itchy