Evil Editor Classics

Guess the Plot

The Choice to Change

1. The fascin- ating memoir of a woman who becomes invisible, and then attempts to find herself.

2. In this daring sequel to my groundbreaking The Choice to Feed, I show new parents how to avoid the whole diaper ritual.

3. Does this make me look fat? How about the slinky black dress? No? Maybe that navy blue blouse with the Peter Pan collar for that barely-legal schoolgirl look?

4. For Pvt. Mort Slimper, changing his socks and underwear in the field meant turning them inside out every week. But with the Army's new Laundry Battalion, everyone now has . . . The Choice to Change.

5. My life in the US Mint, where I dealt with decisions ranging from the thickness and sheen of pennies to the number of ridges on a dime, shaping the course of American coinage.

6. When a body is discovered atop a pile of $600 in quarters, Randy Roberts, change maker at the Galloping Ghost Slots Emporium in Reno becomes the prime suspect and goes on the run while trying to clear his name.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor;

I often wonder just how deep the effects of the trauma of my childhood go and whether I'll ever be totally free of them. I was so shy, naïve, protected, and isolated from all the problems of daily life. Except for the movies, TV and an occasional vacation, my early point of view was extremely narrow. [I think I'm the wrong person to unload on--movies, TV and the occasional vacation are still the only things shaping my worldview.] I had my own little world – my fantasy world. I had complete faith and trust in the people around me and believed that life would unfold in a good and logical way. [You were a kid. What do kids know?]

Then one day it all shattered. My father's infidelity created a nasty separation and divorce and mother moved us to a large city far away from my small rural town. I was totally unprepared for the realities that faced me. I retreated into the protection of the one place I felt safe – into myself. But I had no foundation upon which to draw and no one who would take the time to help me. It wasn't that I was unloved – just that I wasn't a priority. I became invisible. [Just to confirm, you didn't accidentally mix up your emails to Evil Editor and to Dr. Phil, right?] [If only I thought you meant you literally became invisible, I would suddenly be interested.]

For years I drifted through schools, jobs, locations and men trying to find my place - always looking outside myself for the answers. I used sex and drugs as an antidote for my pain and developed deep-seeded [seated] abandonment and intimacy issues. Then I got cancer. [One problem with starting a query letter in first person and not mentioning the book is that the editor begins to wonder if the next paragraph is going to begin: Anyway, at the age of fifty, my life is finally settling down, I've made peace with my father, my cancer is in remission, and I've decided to become a science fiction author. Would you be interested in taking a look at my 100,000-word novel, Zombie Wolverines of Planet Q?] [Believe it or not, such query letters do make their way to editors.]

THE CHOICE TO CHANGE explores my journey from an idyllic childhood, through years of feeling lost and alone, through cancer and the related stress and changes it caused and the search to find my self. It relates the lessons I learned along the way and the importance of forgiveness [Forgiveness? Listen, the only way you'll ever be happy is if you put a bullet in your father's brain.] and acceptance of responsibility.

THE CHOICE TO CHANGE is a memoir of 63,000 words. Thank you for your consideration of my submission. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Notes

As I may have mentioned earlier, there's something discomforting about a query letter in first person that takes a long time to get around to mentioning a book. This wasn't as bothersome as this query, but you don't want the editor wondering if you're an infatuated stalker. I'd put the title, genre and word count up front.

Perhaps it's a sad commentary on our world, but no one wants to read your memoir unless you're famous or they're related to you--unless your life has been truly amazing. Writing this book was a good thing to do, but to sell it you have to show what makes your story interesting to a large number of complete strangers. Or convert it into a novel and throw in some truly amazing or hilarious fictional events.


Selected Comments

Kanani said...Every so often, I meet people writing their life story. I think the author has to figure out whether they are writing this to impart some wider message about personal growth, or if it's simply catharsis.

If it was cathartic for you to write it, then fine. But what happens in your story that would compel someone else to read it. And remember, your story isn't unique --the divorce rate is around 50%, which means that many people have had either the same or even a rougher experience than you.

So, analyze your reasons for writing it, go through it and make sure something compelling happens.


150 said...EE is right: there's so little market for these memoirs. It's honestly wonderful that you wrote it, but it (as queried) has nothing unique to offer a stranger. Certainly keep it for your friends and family!

However, if you're determined to keep trying, there are some elements that could at least get you a few requests for partials. If you have vibrant, startling characters (say, you learned about forgiveness from a foul-mouthed one-armed bartender), mention them in the query. If your path led you to some extreme action (like walking cross-country or joining the circus), then frame the book and query along that interesting element. If your active childhood imagination led you to envision everything from custody hearings to chemo as part of a vivid fairy-world, describe that. If your journey gave you such perspective that you can frame all your experiences as hilarious stories, give an example. If your book has a unique framework, like a set of guiding principles, that's noteworthy too.

Up until the divorce, your query describes the childhood of like every bookworm ever, so that part isn't compelling and can be cut--making room for you to describe the interesting stuff, above.

Hope this helps. Congratulations on completing your memoir!


phoenix said...We all appreciate the difficulties you've been through and applaud that you've been able to overcome them and achieve an outlook of forgiveness and accountability. Big-time kudos to you on the very personal level!
But as has been pointed out, unless you have more to share, this is a journey far too many of us take on our own. Why buy a book when we can go to any number of blogs or support sites for children of divorce or cancer survivors and participate in real-time discussion of the issues?

The problem is, we all handle adversity differently. As pjd said, divorce didn't throw him/her into the depression it did you. I, too, was the bookworm kid. And I'm a cancer survivor, and while I made some life changes because of it, I consider that period in my life more a hiccup and an annoyance than anything else. Unless you have something unique to say to me on that score, I wouldn't need/want to hear it.

So who do you envision as your target audience? People who have been through adversity? People who haven't? People helping others go through it? Memoir is in a unique position that, while mostly treated like fiction, it still helps tremendously to have a platform for it the same as for non-fiction.

I like EE's suggestion of turning the memoir into a novel and adding some spice to it. But you would still need to find a unique angle to set it apart. Pick up something out of 150's post. Maybe your MC walks cross country to join the circus!

Oh, and depending on your audience, it may or may not matter, but I can't be certain whether the person in this memoir is male or female. The "men" reference could go either way. I would guess female just from the way the query "feels."


Anonymous said...What they said. A personal memoir like this may be well done and charming, etc. but agents can only pay the bills by representing books that do well commercially. Your premise just doesn't seem to have a commercial orientation. For a non-commercial project, you don't need an agent. Your postage etc might be better used for submitting the most story-like excerpts to literary magazines that publish memoir.