Evil Eulogy 4

Sorry I'm late, ladies and gentlemen; schoolwork and all that. Where's my notebook? My notes are—aha, here.

Evil Editor—genius, progenitor of the written word, scourge of authors and agents alike. We are gathered here to honor his passing with what he loved most: 300 words.

EE was born in New York nearly 80 years ago, and his childhood was unhappy but meaningful. His teachers had better English for the rest of their lives. In high school, EE—hold on a sec, the pages are sticking together—in hig...