Magic Touch Hop - Camping is awesome...in the most sarcastic way.

This Hop is hosted by the writer-liscious author Kallysten and the book blog I run with my girls over at blog Riverina Romantics. In addition to individual prizes provided on each blog, we are offering assorted swag to the first 100 participants who simply tell us they want some! See all details and sign up here.

Today I'm meant to be celebrating the Magic Touch Hop and pimping out my books. I don't think that is gunna happen.

I've just come home after enduring our first family camping trip.

"We should go camping," my husband said. "It will be fun," he said. "The kids will love it," he said.

Who the hell wants to take a four and a six year old camping? My husband apparently. Oh, and we have to take the dogs too. Yes, because that wouldn't be more annoying.

At the moment I'm trying to type while I crush coffee into a snortable texture just to get through the next few minutes.

I'm going to make this short and sweet. I won't go into detail about how my six year old was tackled into a pile of dog crap, that I then had to clean off his skin and clothes. I won't explain how the wind chill factor was minus five-f*cking-thousand degrees, or that I nearly went para-sailing while trying to set up the tent. I also won't mention that we spent most of the time inside my father-in-laws farm house because it was so cold. The only part I will concentrate on is the time from when we entered the tent to go to sleep, till the moment I exited the tent the following morning.

We ended up going to bed really early, around 8pm. Both children were stuffed from spending most of the day running around on the farm. We gave them torches, let them listen to the noises outside, talked a little, went to the toilet twice, had to get back up to get tissues, etc etc for another hour.

Then the fun began. I laid there, listening to the peaceful silence, squished between my kids because I had to separate them for annoying each other. I watched as my four year old cherub fell asleep, his eyes blinking slowly until they closed for the last time. He laid there with the cutest smile on his face and I couldn't help smile in return and watch for a little longer. What I didn't realise was that he was probably smiling cause he knew what was in store for the next nine hours. All of us were packed into a tiny three person tent after all.

Then silence.

Now, for some background information. My husband is the type of guy who needs to experience something to learn from it. So me telling him that taking the dogs will be a HUGE pain in the ass and that they will be up barking all night, didn't sink in, AT ALL. I've stopped trying to tell him I'm the master of the universe and know all the answers. He simply doesn't listen. So when HIS dog yapped beside the tent, I kinda smiled a little. Minutes passed. More silence. Then YAP, YAP, YAP. My face had the biggest damn grin you've ever seen. Told you so. I didn't put voice to the scream in my head though.

"Shadow, shut up!" My husband tries to yell in a whisper.

A yap every now and again isn't so bag, right? Well picture this in a one hour period. His dog yaps. My dog finds a bone and starts chewing loudly beside the tent. My youngest starts doing the YMCA in his sleep and I have to cover my face to protect my nose. My eldest starts wriggling and kneeing me in the ass. My husband starts snoring. His dog yaps. Husband yells. Etc, etc.
Then my eldest must have started to get the sniffles. Instead of blowing his nose like someone with manners, he has the habit of snorting them back down his throat. It's a delightful trait he learned from listening to his father do it. So every fucking minute he is snorting his boogers, right near my ear.

This enjoyable cycle continued ALL NIGHT.

I even tried to communicate to my husband how fulfilling the hours on non-existent sleep had been by using sign language. I don't know sign language, but the one-fingered gesture seemed to get my point across when he'd yelled at his dog for the fifty-sixth time.

My husbands dog continued to yap and have bursts of rapid barking. And I couldn't help it. I'm a typical female, when I've told my husband that taking the dogs is going to be a bad idea, and it comes to fruition, I can't help but find the humour. Add to that, I never wanted to go camping. I know my kids. I know their sleeping habits. I KNEW they wouldn't sleep.

So with the snorting, the snoring, the yapping, the YMCA, the kneeing in the ass, and then finally my sister-in-law getting up from her own tent in the early morning and growling at the dogs, "Where the hell do you keep getting these bones from," I simply couldn't help myself. I started laughing. Hysterically.
I laughed till my stomach hurt. I laughed as tears ran down my face. I laughed as my eldest son continued to snort boogers and my youngest continued to throw his arms around in his sleep, causing me to protect my face.

Did I end up sleeping at all? Why yes, I think I must have had around thirty minutes. I know this because my brother-in-law rode passed the tent on a horse, on his way to play polo. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen in real life, so I must have had dream time somewhere.

Then the sun started to rise and my youngest decided it was time to get up.

CAMPING IS AWESOME!

And because my husband and I have such a great relationship, I didn't even have to say those four beautiful words - I told you so. As soon as he got up and made eye contact, he smiled and said, "I know, I know."

Now onto the self-pimping.

Buy my books...No, seriously. Go do it. I need money for more coffee. Oh, and please follow my Facebook page. I'm releasing the first sexy contemporary novel (Blind Attraction) in my rock star series  in June and hope you will all check it out.

That is all.

Today I'm giving away two prizes to one lucky winner. First is a Concealed Desire beaded purse charm designed by Swagmaster Designs and valued at $10.

To go along with this beautiful gift I will also gift the winner an ecopy of Sneaking a Peek.

All you have to do is enter the Rafflecopter form below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway