Back to the Beginning

     I am running a promo for my book Feels Like the First Time this week. If you click the name of the book, you can actually download it for your Kindle for absolutely free through Friday, April 19th. Many times, people ask me why I give away a book that I worked so hard on and that means so much to me. The answers to that question are here, here and here.  I don't blame you if you don't want to read those links, but suffice it to say, the reason I occasionally run the book for free is that it helps me find new readers.
     Today, though, I want to talk about how I ever came to write this book. If you've read the book, you might have seen that I dedicated it to my oldest sister Terri. What wasn't in the book was that after that first fateful reunion I had with Dawn on December 1st, 2006, the first thing I did as I drove home was call my sister. Over the next two years, Terri and I emailed each other literally hundreds of times. Does it seem a little odd that a full-grown man and his sister spent two years sending emails back and forth re-living a thirty year old romance? In retrospect, it does to me too. At the time, though, it felt like the only outlet I had to keep from going crazy.
     Eventually, those emails formed the basis of what would become Feels Like the First Time. Tonight, just for fun, I thought I would share the body of the first email I sent Terri back in 2006. It covers much of the material that would eventually be Chapter One, which I titled Where True Love Goes.  Here, then, with very few edits, is that first email:
    
Hey, Redhead...

So here's the story of what happened the other night when I saw Dawn for the first time in so long. It had been a long week. I  was probably a little tired, and not at my best, to be quite honest, when I pulled in to Bill and Bea's that evening. I was a little annoyed, because I had first stopped at Safeway to get something to eat, and had no luck  there because the Deli had only White Bread, if you can believe that. It's kind of hard to believe, but this whole story wouldn't have happened if Safeway hadn't been out of bread.

When I pulled into Bill and Bea's and saw Dawn for the first time in forever, an electric charge started at the top of my head and extended all the way down my spine. My stomach flipped like I was on a roller coaster, and I felt as euphoric as if the air had been filled with happy gas. And then it was gone. Mostly. The stomach continued to flip flop unexpectedly for quite some time, and, truth be told, really hasn't settled yet.

I thought I saw a slight narrowing of her eyes as if trying to figure out a crossword word that is just eluding her, but then she let it go, for the moment.

It was at that moment that I saw her laugh, and I knew that was Dawn. More importantly, I knew that I loved her just as truly, madly, inexplicably, and eternally as I had when I had last seen her twenty six years before. I knew that if I never saw her again in this lifetime, that I would now go to my grave realizing that she is the one true love of my life.I don't say that lightly or as a comparison to anyone else. It simply, absolutely was the truth.


At that moment, my subconscious mind jumped up out of the "sub" right into my consciousness, and said "You've managed to bury this so deep, you thought it would never resurface, but from the moment 
your eyes met, you will never again be able to deny this Truth: you love her like you have never loved another."

And so it is true.

For most of those twenty six years, I had sold myself on a story along the lines of "of course I will always love Dawn. She was my first love. Everyone has a soft spot in their heart for their first love, their first 
heartbreak. That's over now, though... it's time to put her away with other childish things and get on with the business of growing up and growing old."

And so I did.For twenty six plus years.Until my subconscious decided to finally let me in on the secret it had known all along... there will never be another for me.


I love you Red...

PSI


     As I go back and re-read those early emails to Terri, I feel the same feelings I had so often then - sadness, loneliness, a complete lack of momentum in life. Then, I look over the top of my laptop and see Dawn sitting on the other end of the couch, and I remember everything is good again.