Oh Crap! He's back!

Being a writer, I tend to be a little sadistic. I love to torture characters in the name of a good story. When I decided to add a few author interviews to the blog, with some of my favourite authors, I guess a little of that sadism carried over.

See, these interviews are often conducted via e-mail, so I conjured up a HUGE list of potential questions, separated into categories. I send this list to anyone who wants to be grilled on the blog, with instructions to pick a certain number of questions and send me back the answers.

In the process, it must have slipped my mind that the interviewees are writers too, and just as prone to sadistic torture.

Hence the two part interview with SJB Gilmour.
Sam couldn't pass up an opportunity to drive me a little mad, (okay, so a little more mad), by answering every single question I sent. Not only did he answer them, but he did so in such a way as to make it patently impossible for me to choose just a few.
  

If you have yet to meet Sam Gilmour, you're in for an wild ride here. If you'd like a full introduction, I urge you to check out Part One of this interview.
Otherwise, put on your helmet and grab the nearest "holy-shit" handles 'cause here we go with the second half of Sam's answers.

Sam's had his third double espresso, and he's running this show!   

When you were just a little boy …
Pick Two.

Two?  Pffft!

Tell us about your first pet …

Maddy was an adorable Rottweiler.  Gentle, kind, loyal but very hairy and slobbery.  On September 12, she knew something was wrong and charged the door as I went to go to work.  I had to bring her with me.  She died two years ago and I miss her every day.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I never really knew.  I’m not sure I do yet.
  

I like this answer! The way some authors talk, you'd think they were born knowing.

Naptime? Bitch, puh-lease! My editor is freaking out!

What was your favourite subject in grade school?

Girls.

Tell us about your first crush …

She’s on FB and though we’re not friends, she’s friends with one of my friends, so I won’t mention her name.  It was in Grade 2, and I thought the sun rose and set in her eyes.  That was until I changed schools and fell head-over heels in love with (name withheld), then (name withheld), (name withheld), then (name withheld).

Quickie questions.
Pick five and answer one of the two options:

Movie star crush? OR Musician crush?

I’m between crushes right now.  I used to have a thing for Pauley Perrette from NCIS, but that show’s jumped the shark and my interest has wilted like a balloon animal with a leak.

Favourite date activity? OR Favourite family activity?

That’s easy.  Visiting the relatives at the zoo.

Awe, Uncle Fred says you're #1. No, make that #2. Wait a second ...

Favourite carnival ride? OR Favourite carnival game?

I went bungee jumping once.  After that, everything sort of pales into insignificance…  Except that ride on top of that spire in Las Vegas.  Just  looking  at that thing makes me wish I was wearing adult nappies.

Word that always makes you cringe? OR Word that always makes you giggle?

Boobs.

Word you say far too often? OR Word you write far too often?

I first read that as “would you say you fart too often…? My answer would have been “I don’t fart often enough!”  But now I’ve re-read the question, with the notes from my proof-reader still hurting my noggin, I’d have to say “then”, “also” and “that” are all favourites I need to kill off.

Worst pick-up line you've ever heard? OR Best pick-up line you've  ever heard?

I once used a barbecued sausage as a cigar while I imitated Groucho Marx.  It actually worked – kind of.  I was too scared of leaving sausage-grease marks on her clothes to cop a feel.
  

Finish the sentence and explain.
Pick two:

If I couldn’t be a writer, but I could be anything else, I’d choose …

Supervillain.

If I could have any superpower, I’d choose …

I’ve already got it.  That’s nice underwear you’ve got on today.

Ha! I'm n— 
Never mind. 

If I knew the secret to immortality, I would …

Keep it to myself and breed humans according to my own special criteria, just like the great worm god-emperor did in Dune.

If I could switch lives with anyone for one day, I’d choose …

There’s a submission editor at Random House who really needs to re-think some of her decisions…
Meanwhile, at Random House ...

The #1 item on my bucket list is, (or would be) …

Northern Lights, baby.  I’d love to sit back and have a romantic dinner for two with Superwife while we watch the Aurora Borealis.

You could never pay me enough money to … 

Vote Labor.

I get irritated when the person I’m talking to …

Doesn’t genuflect low enough.

The strangest dream I ever had was …

All my dreams are strange, but one that sticks in my memory was when I was trapped in a haunted house, dressed in period costume while trying to call Susan Sarandon through a deodorant stick telephone.
   

The one cause I support the most is …

Usually I don’t, but I do give money to buskers or street performers.  Beggars get fuckall.

My funniest embarrassing moment was …

I was showing off in front of some girls at the beach when I was fifteen, by capering about on the stone wall of the promenade.  I spun then jumped off, head first into a light-pole.  The girls laughed, I saw stars.

My guilty pleasure is …

I don’t have guilty pleasures.  Why should I feel guilty about doing what feels good?  If you ask me, the folk who should feel guilty are the fear-mongers in churches who get about brow-beating everyone that they should feel bad for doing what comes naturally.

Soooo, Porn then. (refer back to Part One)

  

Either/Or
Pick five that you can answer with just one or the other. ;) 

Planner or pantser?

I’m definitely a pants man…  Oh you mean writing?  I pants my plots then plan the book.

Schedule or wing it?

*sings* I believe I can fly!

Bedtime! A little light, or total darkness?

Depends what I’m doing and with whom.

Dress up or dress down?

Dresses OFF!  And the pants too.  C’mon ladies, don’t be shy.

Student or teacher?

That depends.  Does the student get “punished” or does the teacher demand “extra effort” for better grades?

Hot tub or pool?

Who’s in it with me?
  

Hmmm... I'm sensing a trend here. Dammit Sam, turn OFF the porn and pay attention!

[image error] This is for your own good.

Homebody or traveller?

I have permanently itchy feet.  No seriously, this tinea cream is useless.

Camera! Pose or run away?

Hey, point that thing someplace else!  (Han always had the best lines.  You know, I reckon I could go a whole week saying nothing but Star Wars quotes and get along just fine.)

Adventure or security?

Life is short, but to die would be a great adventure.

Construction or demolition?

I play with Lego and Duplo with my kids and I can tell you it’s great fun both building stuff, and then smashing it to smithereens.

Now let's learn a little about your book, "Armies of Nine". 
Answer as many of these as you can, please. 

  

Do you write with music? If you do, can you give us the title and artist of five songs you feel had the most impact on your plot?

I give some characters theme music.  Mel has The Imperial March from Star Wars Empire Strikes Back.  Sarah has Kickstart My Heart by Motley Crue.  Mautallius has the Romper Stomper (sorry, couldn’t find it on iTunes) theme music.  Swapper has Dance Macabre Op 40.
It’s the thrilling conclusion to the Adventures of Sarah Coppernick trilogy!

Which character, from any of your books, has the most in common with you?

James,  from my Wolfenvald series.  His temper is most like mine, and he has the same (dis)respect for many of today’s PC morals.

What about sequels? C an you give us a teaser about where this is going

Swapper’s gory to the point that I’m nervous about my shrink ever getting his hands on it.  The sequel to The Borrowed Kitchen is gonna be a little creepier and with kinkier sex.  The two shorts will reveal sides of characters in my Wolfenvald series that have been hinted at but not fully explored.

If some Hollywood big-wig decided to make your book into a movie, who would be your dream-cast for the (3-5) main characters?

I’d like to see Emma Watson play Angela.  Bruce Willis for James.  Pierce Brosnan for Benjamin.  I don’t know any young actors who should play Sarah or Mel, but I’d love to see Keira Knightly play Cassandra, just so she could be a bitch and get about half naked.
Yeah, she looks thrilled.

Thank you again for dropping in for a visit, Sam. As much as I complain, (Now I know why he calls his spouse, "Superwife"), I had a great time with this!

Find out more about Sam and get links to his books here: http://www.amazon.com/SJB-Gilmour/e/B005321S10/ 

I hope you, dear reader, enjoyed Sam's visit as much as I did!