O is for Other Work

 

The thrust of this Blogging from A to Z Challenge has been the STAC Mysteries, but they’re not the only works I produce.

Like most writers, I began years ago producing factual articles and short stories, but I hankered after turning out full length novels, and one of the first major projects I turned out was a book entitled Murder By Suggestion. In its original form, it never really got off the ground (although it very nearly became a TV mini-series). Much later, I rewrote it, and it became The Handshaker.

 

The premise is simple: how far can you push a hypnotised subject? Can you get them to commit murder? Suicide? Passively submit to rape? No spoilers, but that’s where we open the hunt for a serial killer and rapist, The Handshaker.

Note: this is not a police procedural.

Voices is another of my darker tales. At 110,000 words, it’s also the longest novel I’ve ever produced, and the first draft was even longer.

 

The catalyst for this story hinges on my deafness and the brains tricky little habit of trying to persuade me everything is fine by producing unintelligible muttering. Rather like the noise of next door’s TV heard through the walls.

Part horror, part sci-fi, a complete thriller set in the everyday ordinariness of a mundane English town, it also ranks as the finest work I ever produced. Not a STAC Mystery by any stretch of the imagination.

There are two other titles I’m going to mention. Both are ribald, sledgehammer humour, both acted as safety valves, dragging me away from the pressure of work and giving me something lighter to potter with.

They’re Flatcap’s works.

 

We all know Flatcap. He’s the old git who sits in the corner of the tap room, taking two hours over every half of bitter and voicing opinions on everything under the sun, and he really knows what he’s talking bout… according to him.

Here’s a snippet of Flatcap and his advice on camping holidays.

Many camping sites have toilet facilities, but some don’t, so just to be safe, you should carry a bi-pot. These portable lavatories come in three sizes based on the waste tank capacity: 10, 13, and 20 litres. If you’re the kind who likes a lot of curry, I’d go for the 20-litre size and plan on emptying it every other day.

If you’re determined to carry your own khasi, make sure the tent is well secured to the ground before using it. It’s no use pleading ignorance when hurricane Nora pays a visit and whips the tent away to reveal Her Indoors snoring her head off on her cot and you sitting on the portapotty reading the Sunday Mirror.

And if holidays don’t interest you, how about Flatcap’s Guide to Sex? Once gain, our man’s proves that when it comes to not knowing what  he’s talking about, he is world class.

Here again is a little taster of what you can expect.

 

I know you can buy flavoured condoms, but have you seen the price? Outrageous. Whereas there’s always a drop of custard left over after your sticky toffee pudding, isn’t there.

A word of caution. Most restaurants, even the downmarket, pub grub type places, frown upon their patrons smothering rubbers in custard, especially while it’s still behind the counter. Even when it is delivered to your table, it’s still pretty bad form. Aside from attracting more attention than Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, the management are likely to take the hump, label you a pervert and throw you out.

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Voices and The Handshaker are available as paperbacks and as e-book downloads in all formats, or direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats

Flatcap’s Guide to UK Holidays and Flatcap’s Guide to Sex are exclusive to Amazon Kindle.