You just can't get too serious with Sam

   Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of writers again! Today I finally get to post an interview with another of my favourite Indie authors. Sam Gilmour is a blast to hang with on Facebook, and as a bonus he's also a rather brilliant writer. Let's navigate his mind together, shall we? Don't bother with a map or GPS. Just bring your sense of humour and a LOT of coffee. ;P

   I gave Sam a huge list of questions, and he kindly answered every single one. Normally, that would mean I'd have to pick and choose which to post, but I enjoyed all of his answers so much, (and he kept them short enough), that I had to share them all! However, there are so many questions, I've split this into two interviews. Watch for the second half of the questions, for each section, in two days!

First we learn about you: When you were just a little boy … Pick Two

Two?  Pffft!

What was your security ‘thing’ as a child? Did you have a blanket, or a stuffed animal? Did you bite your nails or suck your thumb?

I had a stuffed penguin.  Mum had to make several because I kept wearing them out.  And, yes, I REALLY wore them out.  Little boys will be little boys…

Don't I know it! More toys leave my house for the dump than for donations or hand-me-downs.

Sam in a moment of sedate reflection

Describe your earliest memory for us…

I’m standing before a great sea with all my people beside me.  We’re being chased by a horde of savages and there’s no escape.  But, I’m not going to let that stop me!  I spread out my arms and command the sea to part and it does!  We escape and when the barbarians chase us, I let the sea close again and they all drown.

See? This is one of the things I love about Sam. As serious as he is about his craft, he never forgets that fiction is supposed to be entertaining.

What’s the first book you remember reading, or having read to you as a child?

I started reading at about 5.  I worked through all of my mum’s Enid Blytons and Trixie Beldens and then moved on to Tolkein, Heinlein, MacCaffrey, Herbert etc.

What was your favourite cartoon show?

Wacky Races.
Yeah, I wanted to drive this car back then. Now I'm more about beefy, black cars.     

Quickie questions. Pick five and answer one of the two options:

Yee-ah. He didn't do that.

Alcoholic beverage of choice? OR Non-alcoholic beverage of choice?

Double espresso.  No sugar.

Favourite cuss? OR Favourite PG cuss?

“Fuck me drunk!”

Worst habit? OR Best habit?

Masturbation
   

Favourite junk food? Or Favourite healthy snack?

Junk food – Hamburgers & chips.

Favourite dessert? OR Favourite meal?

Oh man.  I’ll eat anything.  If it’s food and in front of me, it’s my favourite.
Nom, nom, nom!    

Fashion addiction? OR Gadget addiction?

I’m not sure if I have to have the latest gadget, but if my brother gets one, then I need to have the next one after that.  I MUST out-gadget him!

Item you always misplace? OR Item you’re never without?

Rule number 1 – Always carry a knife.

Pet peeve? OR Guilty pleasure?

I hate, HATE, HATE fucking your / you’re confusion.

Favourite time of day? OR Favourite time of night?

Coming home from work and getting the full-body tackle hug from the kids.  It just blows me away.

Finish the sentence and explain. Pick two:

 Nah, I’m answering more than two.  You pick which ones you like.  These are fun!

But I like them all, so I'm posting all of them. Just in two parts. lol

The oddest question anyone has ever asked me was …

It wasn’t a question but once in Times Square, A guy raced up to me and told me “Sean told me to tell you the sheep are on the moon!”  Then he ran away like he’d stolen something.  True story.

The one question no one has asked me that I'd like to answer is ...

Do you know how to get to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?
Could be fun ...    

If I believed in reincarnation and could choose my next life, I’d want to be …

Me.

If I could be any animal I wanted, I’d pick …

A hippogryff

If I had to pick an animal that most represents me now, I’d choose …

A short-tailed macaque.  Not the long-tailed; they’re vicious little buggers.

The theme song to my life as a drama series would be …

The theme from Doctor Who.

The theme song to my life as a sitcom would be …

   

If I was an existing children’s cartoon character, I’d be …

Hannibal Lecter.  What?  He’s not an existing cartoon character?  He bloody-well should be.  I’m gonna write a letter…
"He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice?"

When I don’t know how to respond to something I …

The art of the non sequitur is a lot like the art of combing fish.  First you have to hold onto it really well, and make sure those spines don’t get you.  Then, holding the comb in your teeth, sing Soft Kitty until the fish calms down.  Remember, always comb with the scales, not against.

I think I learn best by …

The mistakes others make.

The toughest lesson I ever learned was … 

How to thicken gravy.  It’s really quite simple once you get the hang of it.  All you have to do is dissolve the cornflour in a little water first then add that to the gravy.

Yee-ah, I do that too, and it still doesn't work every time.

  

The most surprising thing I ever learned about myself was …

I don’t actually suck at this writing thing.

Either/Or
Pick five that you can answer with just one or the other. ;) 

Oh, you are so going to hate me now.  Tell you what; I’ll answer the lot and let you decide which to put in.

Coffee or tea?

Yes.

Morning person or night owl?

Morning for exercise, day for writing, night for watching b-grade movies or anything sci-fi.  I’d like to fit sleep in there somewhere, but I don’t get much of that so it doesn’t really count.

Television or movies?

I’ll be in either, just so long as the pay is good and I don’t have to star alongside Mel Gibson.

Green thumb or Black thumb?

Black thumb???  Aaargh!  It’s the plague!!!
"But I'm not dead yet!"

Opportunity or ingenuity?

I’d like to thank The Academy for all their hard work and for making my little idea become such a huge success.

Carnivore or herbivore?

Omnivore.

Introvert or extrovert?

Lady, the world fucking revolves around me!  You may all bask in my glory!

Brawn or brains?

Braaaaaaiinns!  *lurches like a zombie*

Packrat or minimalist?

I keep as much clutter as I can in this tiny little space…  That show Hoarders is my salvation.  Every time I wonder if I have too much crap, I watch that show and feel better about myself.

Eat in or take out?

Mmm… Fooooood!

Fast food or fine dining?

I want it fine and I want it fast!

City or country?

Finally a straight answer!  -  Country.

Tent or Hotel?

Do tents have wifi?
Nope, just WTF    

Now let's learn a little about your book, "Armies of Nine".
Answer as many of these as you can, please. 

Who was your favourite character to write?

Mel from my Wolfenvald series.  She’s a bit of a badass and has a very dim view of authority.

Why THIS story and not one of the others roaming around in your head?

Oh man, I have so many stories in my bonce…  It’s hard to keep track of them all.  I’m now writing them in the order they come to me.  This year, in this order, I’ll be writing/finishing Armies of Nine, Swapper, Mel’s story (title? – short story), Robert & Roberta’s story (title – short story) and (title?) sequel to The Borrowed Kitchen.
The thrilling conclusion to the Adventures of Sarah Coppernick trilogy!

Did you get into any kind of ritual while you were writing this book? Tell us about it. (Standard drink, snack, preparation etc.)

Play games, drink coffee, Facebook, scratch, watch porn, eat, drink coffee, Facebook, write, scratch, get mad when interrupted, eat, Facebook, pace, watch porn, drink tea, write.
You really have to cut back on the porn, Sam.    

   

So what's next from the mind of Sam Gilmour? Do you have any other projects you're working on? 

Other than what I’ve already mentioned, I’m working on a seekret project for an anthology being put together by some online folk I know *wink*, and I have a sci-fi space opera I’d like to put together.

Thanks for this, Sam. You never fail to entertain me. lol

When I asked Sam for a bio. this is what he had for me:

You can find my official bio here: http://www.amazon.com/SJB-Gilmour/e/B005321S10/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

But that leaves a lot out.  After I finished high school (Wesley College, Melbourne), I tried University but gave that up for dealing opium in Burma.  Eventually I was arrested and imprisoned in a work camp, from where I was abducted by aliens.  The probing wasn’t so bad but they made me watch Sally Field movies until I really did think I could fly.  Then I was returned to Earth in a great crystal egg that landed in a hay-field in the corn-belt in America.  Wearing only some bright spandex, I escaped to a Tibetian monastery where I achieved true enlightenment.  Eventually, I returned to Australia as a stow-away on a ship smuggling whale meat and saws…
I live in Melbourne Australia with my wonderful wife and two fantastic daughters. I was raised in the family footwear business where I still work, but I've done a great deal besides. I've edited, researched, sub-edited and published. I've done a stint in the Royal Australian Navy, run a small café and pumped diesel at a bus depot. I'm a travel junkie, amateur birdwatcher and overall book and film nerd.

If you find Sam just as fun and interesting as I do, you CAN connect with him online. Here are a few links he supplied:

I Tweet @sjbgilmour https://twitter.com/sjbgilmour

I'm on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/SJB-Gilmour/155373837870604

I blog: h ttp://sgilmour.wordpress.com

My G+ profile is: https://plus.google.com/u/0/117902660405170807504/posts

You can also send me a request for a personalised Authorgraph signing at: http://www.authorgraph.com/authors/sjbgilmour

And give Sam's YA trilogy "The Adventures of Sarah Coppernick"  a look. You won't regret it.  I've read the first book, "Golden Mane", and I was seriously impressed. Enough that I plan to grab the paperbacks to save for when my children are older.