A Day in the Life of My Poor Brain
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Do you ever have days when you just know you have to write something or you'll go insane but that's all you come out with? Today is one of those days for me. I managed to BS my way through a paper for school and that seems to be the extent my brain power for the day. Unfortunately the swirling ideas that make up my constant thought patterns have other ideas.
A day in the life of my brain: Be forewarned this may be frightening...well it scares me some days anyway. Comically disparaging remarks aside I do have a lot going on up there.
I wake up in what is termed a fibro-fog. Life with fibromyalgia is much more than pain. In fact pain is the least of it. The mental stuff is much harder to cope with. I wake up an couldn't even tell you my name. I will look at my jeans and think "I need to put those on. How do I put those on?" Eventually I will figure it out, get dressed and go in search of food. I love cold coffee, but I try to avoid it because my stomach doesn't like it. On any given day I have a 50/50 shot at avoiding it. Notice still the brain hasn't started yet.
Food in body and all limbs moving in tandem as they should now I start making lists...sometimes frantically. What has to be done, who has to be called, what note for my kids did I forget, where do I need to go. I lose about half of it, but my wonderful husband manages to pick up the stuff I leave on the floor in my wake.
That settled I turn to mainline facebook nonsense and goodreads blogs. That usually sparks 20 different trains of thought all on converging on a central location. There will be a crash soon. Suddenly and without warning, someone says something or I see something totally unrelated to all 20 tracks that causes everything to speed up and the trains collide spilling survivors into the thick tree line of my mind. Some of the most wonderful thoughts occur then. I find characters from different story lines holding each other for dear life and somehow they fit. Two stories merge in the seconds it takes me to realize how well they match. Lovers are spit apart on different sides of the train, details of their world disintegrating in the flames. Well that world is scraped. Was the idea worth rebuilding? I'll wait for tomorrow's crash and decide then.
While this is going on in the back I turn my focus to class work or girl scouts or something real world and important trying to think coherently, a dubious task at best. I write papers or organize information, the usual mundane parts of grown up life.
Meanwhile.... The clean up crew has started in back taking notes of the survivors and the casualties. Pretty pictures are painted in honor that sometimes make it onto canvass. New contraptions to solve the day's issues are built that sometimes make it into real life. Eventually the remnants of the 20 trains make it back on track and continue where they were headed.
Finally it's time to write. I zero in on one train and talk for hours with the characters there finding out what happens next. Sometime I know and I'm only getting details out of them and sometimes I have no clue and are just as surprised as they are. But during this all the other trains are waiting for me, some patiently and some not. I pause often and navigate the constant real world interruptions of motherhood like juggler. Sometimes going back and forth gives me a headache.
By the end of the day it's time to read. I can't think anymore and the noise in my head has grown so loud I get disgusted with all of it and tell them all to shut up not very nicely. I pick a book and let my mind disappear if only for a short time. If it's a good book, by the time I turn out the light the others have gone to sleep and I pick out one train enjoying watching the story unfold in my head and into my dreams.
Do you ever have days when you just know you have to write something or you'll go insane but that's all you come out with? Today is one of those days for me. I managed to BS my way through a paper for school and that seems to be the extent my brain power for the day. Unfortunately the swirling ideas that make up my constant thought patterns have other ideas.
A day in the life of my brain: Be forewarned this may be frightening...well it scares me some days anyway. Comically disparaging remarks aside I do have a lot going on up there.
I wake up in what is termed a fibro-fog. Life with fibromyalgia is much more than pain. In fact pain is the least of it. The mental stuff is much harder to cope with. I wake up an couldn't even tell you my name. I will look at my jeans and think "I need to put those on. How do I put those on?" Eventually I will figure it out, get dressed and go in search of food. I love cold coffee, but I try to avoid it because my stomach doesn't like it. On any given day I have a 50/50 shot at avoiding it. Notice still the brain hasn't started yet.
Food in body and all limbs moving in tandem as they should now I start making lists...sometimes frantically. What has to be done, who has to be called, what note for my kids did I forget, where do I need to go. I lose about half of it, but my wonderful husband manages to pick up the stuff I leave on the floor in my wake.
That settled I turn to mainline facebook nonsense and goodreads blogs. That usually sparks 20 different trains of thought all on converging on a central location. There will be a crash soon. Suddenly and without warning, someone says something or I see something totally unrelated to all 20 tracks that causes everything to speed up and the trains collide spilling survivors into the thick tree line of my mind. Some of the most wonderful thoughts occur then. I find characters from different story lines holding each other for dear life and somehow they fit. Two stories merge in the seconds it takes me to realize how well they match. Lovers are spit apart on different sides of the train, details of their world disintegrating in the flames. Well that world is scraped. Was the idea worth rebuilding? I'll wait for tomorrow's crash and decide then.
While this is going on in the back I turn my focus to class work or girl scouts or something real world and important trying to think coherently, a dubious task at best. I write papers or organize information, the usual mundane parts of grown up life.
Meanwhile.... The clean up crew has started in back taking notes of the survivors and the casualties. Pretty pictures are painted in honor that sometimes make it onto canvass. New contraptions to solve the day's issues are built that sometimes make it into real life. Eventually the remnants of the 20 trains make it back on track and continue where they were headed.
Finally it's time to write. I zero in on one train and talk for hours with the characters there finding out what happens next. Sometime I know and I'm only getting details out of them and sometimes I have no clue and are just as surprised as they are. But during this all the other trains are waiting for me, some patiently and some not. I pause often and navigate the constant real world interruptions of motherhood like juggler. Sometimes going back and forth gives me a headache.
By the end of the day it's time to read. I can't think anymore and the noise in my head has grown so loud I get disgusted with all of it and tell them all to shut up not very nicely. I pick a book and let my mind disappear if only for a short time. If it's a good book, by the time I turn out the light the others have gone to sleep and I pick out one train enjoying watching the story unfold in my head and into my dreams.
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