Feedback Request

The lull in query submissions slogs into yet another week, like the war in Afghanistan on steroids. Below is a revised query; the original is here.


Seventeen year old Gwyn has been playing the part of human for so long, she has denied who and what she really is, an immortal gryphon, but with immortality comes responsibility, a predestined guardianship that will consume her like fire.

Gwyn is absorbed by her love Nolan, a dhampir who's troubled family life has destructive effects on their relationship.  Distractions begin to bombard her from all angles when her life is filled with strangers who all seem to know something she does not.  One of these strangers has an uncanny interest in Gwyn's necklace, trying to steal it. Her new neighbor, Brandt, has an uncanny interest in herself. Gwyn's frustrations and confusion crescendos until she finds out her guardianship is to begin, decades before any other gryphon in history.

Every five hundred years the Phoenix is reborn, a new body, a new soul, and in need of a new guardian. Gwyn has obsessed over her red opal necklace, a strange gem she received from her parents on her sixteenth birthday. She never suspected it was the actual egg from which the Phoenix would hatch.

Gwyn's focus must pin point to deciding to accept her guardianship or allowing another to have her destiny, leaving Gwyn an aimless future.  For the first time, Gwyn does not have the luxury of time because in an innocent attempt to prove her love to Nolan, she gave him her precious necklace.  Now the Phoenix is in the household of an evil vampire.  As an egg, the Phoenix is vulnerable to true death. True death will begin an unending solar eclipse, allowing vampires to hunt day and night.  Gwyn must save the Phoenix before she even accepts her guardianship, or she will not have a chance to decide because the chaos of the night will engulf the world.

Guardian of the Phoenix is complete at 59,000 words and fits into the Paranormal Young Adult genre. Thank you for your time. I have a full manuscript available should you be interested.  This novel can stand alone, but has potential to become a series. I am currently working on the second novel which features a new main character.

Sincerely...