Blah!

[image error] It is with mixed emotions that I write this. I feel good. I feel bad. I feel blah. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Things are just topsy-turvy and I just don't know why or, then again, maybe I do.

My father called me last night and said he was confused. That, in itself is confusing - not that he is confused but that he actually called me up to tell me. He doesn't usually tell me things like that. It was no big deal; he just didn't know where he had to go for a medical test. Since rushing him to the hospital last week and being at a couple different doctors' offices lately, I wasn't sure either, but it's taken care of.

It's beautiful outside, bright and sunny, but I have too much work to do in the house to enjoy it. There is so much to do, it is overwhelming and I don't know where to start, so instead, I sit here and write.

Today, I found out my daughter has purple hair - not all of it, but purple underneath, oh, and a blond streak down the back. Some years ago, I would have been upset. I wouldn't have screamed at her or made her change it, but I would have been upset and I would have let her know it. Today I smiled. Is something wrong with me? Is it that I don't care enough to keep her on the right track? Or is it that I care enough to let her find her own way?

In a few days, it will be our 30th wedding anniversary. Thirty years! It seems like forever ago... it seems like, well, it doesn't seem like yesterday but it doesn't seem like 30 years. Thirty years is a long time. Where did it all go? I watched four kids grow up to become adults, even one with purple hair.

The news is full of scary things - politics and taxes and war and guns and the war on guns and drones and bombs and missiles and secrets and lies, lies, lies ... I feel sick to see what the world has become. I hope with all my heart that my kids will find happiness in their lives.

A few weeks ago, my cousin's son was in a serious skiing accident. His injuries are not visible, but deeper inside and will take much longer to heal. I don't think of him as much now as I did when it first happened, I'm sure it is that way for a lot of people. Is it the same way with God? Does he move onto other things? Other tragedies or disasters? Just because we don't spend as much time praying, does that power of prayer dwindle and slow his recovery?

I'm tired and I feel like crying and I really need to clean my house.