Unconscious and out of control

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I won’t play a new game in front of others until I’ve sat out a round to observe.

I panic slightly when driving someplace new or an old place a new way.

Not because I’m afraid of losing or getting lost at all – it’s because

I have control issues.

What scares me most about this operation

isn’t

The long needles in my arms and back

The tubes inserted in soft places

or

The breaking and shifting of my bones

The gushing of blood from peeled skin

or

The loss of my longed-for summer

The endless hours of physical...