@Essa_Alroc8, Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery…Weird, Weird Flattery
Someone is pretending to be me on Twitter. No joke, check out the page!
The weird part is they know how to use Twitter waaayyy better than I do. As that’s the case, I usually wouldn’t mind. Free advertising, right? I’d almost like to ask them to take over my twitter account.
But they’re doing it wrong! Take a look at some of the tweets I’ve collected from their page. I’ve listed them under the examples below.
Dear Essa_Alroc8, if you’re going to pretend to be me on the internet, please stop fucking it up. You need to observe the rules of being Essa Alroc.
1. Don’t tweet what you eat. First, it’s boring as fuck and second, Essa Alroc doesn’t eat. She drinks and chain smokes. Eating and having food cravings is for pussies and tweens. You appear to be both. 
2. If I ever see another inspirational quote come out of your account, I will track you using your IP address and beat you to death with a copy of “The Secret”. Essa Alroc doesn’t do inspirational.
3. Essa Alroc does not cry, and if she did, it would certainly not be over that shit movie ‘The Notebook’. Instead, it would be over something much more serious, like the outlawing of caffeine or Kirk Cameron being elected president.
4. Get that fucking picture of Demi Lovato and Serena Whatever off your fucking profile page RIGHT NOW. If you’re going to pretend to be me, at least spread my hotness to those less fortunate by using one of my smoking hot pictures. Might I suggest the one of my in my devil costume from Halloween 2010? You know where it is, because you’ve obviously been stalking me.
5. The only thing I hate MORE than American Idol is Disney. I live in Orlando idiot. Any Orlando native hates Disney with a passion usually only reserved for black licorice or foreign tourists.
6. This better be a motherfucking joke. The best state in the nation is the one I’m in, and I wouldn’t go to Virginia on a fucking dare (no offense Rhea, I love you to death, but I avoid the bible belt like the plague.)
(FYI, Rhea is not my stalker, BTW. She is my best friend who just happens to live in the bible belt, which is why I don’t see her as much as I should. I think she did something bad in a past life.)
Anyway, @Essa_Alroc8, if you’re going to pretend to be me, I don’t give a fuck. Go to town. I barely use my Twitter anyway, because I don’t know how. You clearly do, which is awesome. Good for you.
What you don’t know how to do is how to be Essa Alroc.
If you need more information on significantly increasing your awesomeness, I suggest you check out George Carlin’s videos, but picture a smoking hot chick with great tits while he’s speaking. In short, try to be awesome instead of a total tool and you might get it down.
Because there is only one Essa Alroc. Everyone else is a cheap imitation.
