Saved by the Geek

There’s a reason the Geek Squad is called the Geek Squad.

Last week, my laptop kept trying to convince me that my antivirus protection had expired.

You’re UNPROTECTED! read the pop-up screen.

Thirty years of caution automatically kicked in before I realized the computer was referring to itself, and not me.

Your subscription has EXPIRED!

“No, it hasn’t,” I pointed out to the screen. “I have a three-year protection plan that runs another two years.”

Since the screen didn’t reply and kept popping back up every time I tried to get rid of it –which was not only annoying, but still gave me a little instinctive jolt every time I saw it – I connected with the Geek Squad at their website and explained the problem.

“We can fix that,” the agent told me, and proceeded to open a conversation window to walk me through the session.

All the people who work for the Geek Squad are called agents, by the way. They wear white shirts and black ties like they’re members of Great Britain’s MI6 or the FBI. I don’t know what the CIA people wear, and I don’t want to know, because then they’d have to kill me.

Agent Megan went to work remotely on my computer.

That doesn’t mean she ‘sort of’, or ‘remotely,’ worked on my computer, it means she worked on my computer in real time by accessing it long distance.  (Which reminds me – what is unreal time?)

Long story short, Agent Megan fixed my laptop and got rid of the annoying message. Before she concluded her service call with me, she asked if I had any more questions for her.

“Ask her how to avoid materializing in solid substances when teleporting,” my husband and daughter suggested.

“I am not going to do that,” I said. “She’ll think I’m wacko.”

“Go on,” they urged me. “She’ll laugh. She’ll know it’s a joke. You’ll brighten up her day.”

I typed in the question, feeling like an idiot. How do you avoid materializing in solid substances when teleporting?

Agent Megan replied: Teleporting gets complicated. You might try new batteries or adjusting the space-time continuum setting. And may the Force be with you.

Seriously? Teleporting, computers, and the Force – it’s still all Geek to me.