BE NICE TO ME OR I'LL PUT YOU IN MY NEXT BOOK. . .

My fifth-grade Home Economics teacher was a lady in the true sense of the word, and she was bound and determined to make ladies from the gangly class of muffin-baking, apron-sewing, boy-crazy mid-pubescent girls assigned to her tutelage. I discovered how determined she was when her yardstick came crashing down upon my head for violating sacred rule number six of her classroom commandments--LADIES DO NOT CHEW GUM! I pondered the possibility of utilizing the useful info gleaned during the morn...