B - Being Bisexual

I fell in love (you know the feeling, that fluttery, happy feeling in your gut) for the first time when I was 17. I’d had crushes before that, certainly, and even dated a couple of guys, but my first true love was a wonderful guy named Don. He was…gods, he was IT. The One. We didn’t sit around making “plans” or anything…or rather, he didn’t. I don’t think I did really, either; we talked about getting an apartment together “someday” with a third friend (the guy who introduced us, my very best friend), but that was about it. And I’m pretty sure, in retrospect, it didn’t even last all that long.
               And man, when it fell apart did my wee little heart crumbled into a miserable little mess and it stayed that way for a right long while.
               But then she walked in the door. I’d never looked at a girl the way I looked at this girl before. She wasn’t drop dead gorgeous—in fact, to be honest, she was rather plain. But I did whatever I could to be around her—and it wasn’t hard, we were on color guard together. And of course, she never knew; we were hardly even friends, really, because I kept a careful distance…gods, why am I sensing a novel in here somewhere…
Anyway, maybe I should specify that this was 1987, and while there were a couple of not-so-in-the-closet gay guys in my high school nobody was out and proud, either. It was the kind of thing that everybody knew but nobody talked about too loudly in the halls (except the asshats). The one lesbian in my class (that I’m aware of) was sort of in the same boat, but seemed to get more flack for it than the guys.
               Needless to say I wasn’t about to act overtly on my attraction to the pretty blond underclassman, even if I had thought I had a snowball’s chance in Hell of her returning my (rather confused at time) affections).
               See, before that moment, I had never, ever considered that I might have a thing for girls. I liked guys. I’d just gotten my heart broken by one. I’d had a couple of boyfriends before that, and had a long history of crushes on guys. All guys. No female had ever made my heart go pitter-pat. Was I just suffering from a broken heart or something? Had I gone to sleep a straight woman and woken up a lesbian?
               No. I definitely still liked guys. And I definitely liked this girl. I was soooooo confused!
               And then I realized there was a name for the way I was feeling.  It’s called being  bisexual.
    What a Revolation!!              The actual process of sorting it out took a few (long, difficult, and very confusing) weeks, during which I secretly lusted after this lovely young woman (okay, we were both young), pined for my ex, and ultimately went out with a guy I had NOTHING in common with just because I was lost and confused and maybe a little bit stupid. (Not that he’s not a great guy or anything, it was just a bad match; we didn’t date long.)  But the more time I spent pondering it, the more I realized I'd always been more physically attracted to women than to men. When I was a little kid Barbie spent way more time with Stacie than she did with Ken--I just never made the connection. (That's okay, I hadn't made the connection between how much time Barbie spent tied up and how much I like to be tied up, either!)
Coming out to my immediate circle of friends (mostly those guy guys and the lesbian) was pretty easy, but I soon discovered that being a bisexual person of either gender meant that both straight people and gay people could and would take pot shots at you for “not being able to make up your mind” and “straddling the fence.” It was very easy to be made to feel like you didn’t belong to either community. Bisexual was definitely a dirty word. I ran into a lot of gay women who wouldn’t date me because I also liked men. Straight men were frequently just pigs, I’d say I was bi and their next words were “so how about you and your girlfriend coming over to my place…?” Dude, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be on a date with your sorry ass! Those dates ended very quickly.
I don’t know what it is about the word bisexual that makes people think you’re loose or easy or just want a threesome. I don’t know what it is that makes people (gay and straight) so insecure, like even though I’m with you, I’m going to see that person over there of the opposite gender and dump you for them. It’s one of a couple of issues I tackled in my third novel, Hanging by the Moment —although I tackled a lot of issues in that one; the biggest one was probably HIV. I would prefer it if that overshadowed the rest.
Bisexuality definitely something I’m going to write about again because although it’s become “cool” to be bi (gods, I don’t get that), it’s still not easy. There are still people who just don’t get the idea that even though I am attracted (fairly equally) to both genders, that doesn’t mean I’m any less faithful to the person I’m with. Sexual orientation and fidelity have absolutely nothing to do with one another .  
Before I close out for the day, I want to repeat to you one of the most awful things someone said to me. Just two, maybe three years ago, I had a gay man tell me that he wished he was bi, like me, so he could marry a woman and have a “normal life”. That rattled me to my very core. Yes, I am married to a man, but that’s because he’s the person I fell in love with—and okay, he’s the person who can tolerate my shit. Point is, being bi doesn’t mean getting to choose who you love or who loves you , it means that you are attracted to both men and woman and have a chance of ending up with either.
 Bisexual awareness day: Sept. 23

  At first when I saw that there is a Bisexual Day of Awareness, I wondered "do we really need one? Isn't there already an LGBTQ day/month?"            But then something happened: I found a blog where authors can promote their LGBT themed books and I thought COOL! I wonder if I can get in, because the books being presented looked totally awesome and several were by fellow Dreamspinner authors. And let's face it, we're always looking for ways to market ourselves, but I admit it, I only want my books to show up in places where I'm proud to be and happy to direct readers and potential readers. So I was really excited to find this place.  But then I noticed the blog description:  "This blog features excerpts from current and forthcoming books by leading gay and lesbian authors..."  Apparnetly bisexual authors need not apply. And yes, of course that's the blog owner's perogative, but I thought that we're supposed to be part of an LGBTQ community. I have a hard enough time being shunned by straight people (except for threesomes), but when the gay and lesbian community makes me feel unwelcome, it really stings.  So yeah. We need a day. 

In fact, I'm going to give us a whole MONTH.
I know this is planning way ahead, but if you're a bisexual author, or an author or any orientation who has a book about a bissexual character, I'd like to invite you to be a guest blogger right here in September!

My goal is to fill up the entire month with posts from bi authors (and artists and other folks with opinions), about bi characters, and generally celebrating what it means to be bi. Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author