RANDOM RAMBLINGS...WHY DO WE TEAR DOWN OUR LOVED ONES?

You can use this free image only if you provide author attribution and a link back to our site. Please add a credit line next to the image, a suggestion is provided below. [More Info]       
© Velkol | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Motivated, inspired, encouraged, uplifted, praised, life-giving, strengthened, empowered. These are more than just words, they are feelings, feelings that we seek from one another. But why is it that so often we fail to give this back to our loved ones? Everyone is always competing against one another and trying to one up their brother or sister, attempting to make him or her feel less than. If someone performs an act, something as simple as a dance move, you can best believe that there is someone waiting in the wings to frown upon his or her accomplishment or action. There will be someone waiting in the shadows to speak a negative word against what that person has just done or waiting to tell the person how it can be done better or it wasn't as good as someone else's action or accomplishment. We see it amongst "friends," co-workers, and worst of all among family. Family can cause the most damage because you really do care what one another think and how one another feels.

Why is this? Why do we feel the need to tear down another person rather than building him or her up? Oftentimes we hide behind the excuse that "Oh, I just want him to be the best that he can be," or "I know that she can do it better and I'm trying to tell her what's best for her." This would be fine if it were done occasionally and in an effort to look out for the other person's best interests. However, more often than not that's not the motivation behind the words. If it were then when someone says "hey, why do you always try to make me feel less than," or "why are you always correcting me," then the offending party would not take the defensive. Instead they would answer in love their true reasoning behind the corrective words, understand they are hurting the other person, and stop doing it. Unfortunately, this usually does not happen but what does happen is the offending party all of a sudden becomes offended that his or her words were not taken in a positive manner. The offending party goes on the defense with an argument of how he was only trying to help.

The real motivation behind these actions and words lie within the person speaking them. I believe more often than not it is a low self-esteem issue. The party speaking those words generally does not feel good about himself and because of his self-consciousness and insecurities he chooses to project his feelings about himself on the party that he is degrading. Continuing in this manner is toxic to the relationship we hold with these individuals as well as to ourselves. We tear down the other person's self esteem by constantly putting him down. Eventually if a person continues to go through something long enough he will begin to either believe this about himself, and feel that he is just not good enough, or he will began to resent the relationship he has with the offending party. This behavior also serves to weaken the other party.

As people we have to learn to strengthen each other by lifting one another up through words that speak life, words that encourage, words that motivate and inspire. This does not happen when we put someone down; instead we build up walls of defense, harm their self-belief, and destroy our own integrity in the process. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

We must learn to deal with those issues and this can be done by understanding our own true issues. My husband always says "we have enough issues of our own, that we don't have time to worry about someone else's." And this is so true as people individually we all come with our own faults and issues. If we continue to work on our own (and we will never be perfect) then we truly don't have time to negate someone else's behaviors or actions. The second thing we must do is accept our own errors and issues. Understanding that we are mere mortals we will began to take steps towards accepting our flaws and working toward corrective actions. As we learn to laugh at our silly mistakes, accept responsibility, and learn from all of the mistakes we make, we can grow as individuals. It will help us to accept the flaws that we see in other people and empower us to lift them up and motivate them.

Inspiration, motivation, encouragement, praise, strength, life, and empowerment are essential to us as a people. For without it how are we expected to move forward in a positive direction individually or as a group? For after all regardless of how much we deny it, we need one another. I need you and you need me.
 JUST A PIECE OF THIS WRITER,C. MICHELLE RAMSEY To learn more about me and my works please visit me @ the following link:
www.cmichelleramsey.com