Field Trips & March

Today I had the pleasure of being a chaperone for my son’s field trip to the Natural History Museum in Frankfurt.

I had a great time.  The teachers divided up the students between chaperones so that we all had no more than a handful of kids.

Well, one of my kids was a very sharp young man, but also one known for being a bit rambunctious.  This young man, who I’ll refer to as Kevin Bacon, was probably placed with me since I was the only male chaperone on the bus.  Like that means I can handle it or something if he acts a little crazy.  Fantastic luck, to be sure.

In the Land Mammal room, young Kevin Bacon would inspect each of the anatomically correct mammals and then announce, “That one’s a boy,” or “that one’s a girl,” before moving on to the next.  When he did this to the lion, I said, “Well, he’s also got this mane, buddy,” but Kevin preferred his own method of gender identification.  The juvenile-boy side of me that never completely grew up laughed inside, but the adult on the outside scowled and tried to be parental, be that authority figure for the kids.

At one point, my son told him, “Dude, that’s just gross.”  Surprisingly, that peer scolding was effective.  More surprisingly, my 9-year-old son didn’t think that this kid pointing out animal privates was funny.

I thought we were done with all that, and we were really learning, until we got to the end of the room.  There was a giant gorilla, facing the other direction, right next to the exit.  Kevin Bacon walked up to the gorilla’s rear, turned to us with a huge smile and said, “Ha!  Gorilla Butt!”

So, that’s what a field trip with 3rd graders is like.

On another note, I decided I’d had enough of Mustache March, and I shaved off my mustache, which I’d named Calico.  Sure, it was a hideous blonde, brown, and black mess, with bare patches here and there.  But, despite my wife rating it a 1 on the 1-10 scale, it never judged her, or anyone else for that matter.  Calico was good to me, but I just couldn’t handle the tickling sensation against my nose any more.

So, here’s to you Calico, until next March…farewell my friend!