Mysteries, excitement, and adventures with a printer

My printer's still only printing in red and blue. Very patriotic I suppose on white paper, and I can color all my words purple, so they print like those old pre-photocopies all smudged in a dark smeary wash. I almost expect them to leave bruises on my fingers when I touch them. But I suspect any publisher I submit to would take one look and say no without reading the story. Ah well, at least it gives me time for a few more edits. My excellent beta-reader friend has already dropped some hints...