Won’t Get Fooled Again
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s your 2013 Boston Red Sox!
Carpet bagging owner John Henry and his two accomplices Larry Luchinno and Tom Werner are saying we’re in for a real treat this summer. Things are going to be different this year (now I know why my Mother tired so quickly of hearing that phrase). Every baseball scribe in Boston seems to concur (I’ve learned you can not rationalize irrational thought). The current state of the holy trinity of Boston baseball could best be described as the broke rich guy, the Italian muscle, and the Hollywood marketing guy. Notice there is nothing about the Nation’s past time much less the religion that is Red Sox baseball in those descriptions. First off, dumb (Werner), dumber (Luchinno) and just really weird (Henry) adamantly deny former manager Terry Francona’s book detailing the three idiotas (think “amigos” with no common sense) complete lack of baseball knowledge. If Francona is lying why change anything?
By the way wouldn’t Henry look more comfortable attached to a stick in a field in new Hampshire? At least the crows would be afraid of him. As it stands now after the stellar job he’s done he’s afraid to be seen at Fenway much less walk to his front row, dug-out seat.
In 2004 these three incompetentes (think Musketeers without the looks, charisma or success) inherited a team one player from being World Champions. Theo Epstein to his credit and proving a broken clock is right twice a day went out and signed blowhard (but at least at that time hard throwing) Curt Schilling. The end result being two long awaited (as in 86 years) World Championships. Henry et al’s success was the sole result of being able to write a big enough check after Major League Baseball railroaded prospective local owner Joe O’Donnell out of the running. Had Henry sold the team in 2007 he wouldn’t be broke today and Theo would be headed to the Hall of Fame. However, Henry believed the Championships were a result of his and his management teams’ ability. So over the next four years, ownership faced with a choice from personnel to public relations has consistently made the wrong decision. Every major free agent signing (Carl Crawford, Edgar Renterria, JD Drew, Julio Lugo and Mike Cameron just to name a few) was an unmitigated bust. In 2011, the players were upset about some fans actually calling them out for their lack of effort. They were invited to a meeting on Henry’s yacht. Henry and his two henchman assured the players that the fans’ (all to reasonable at $150 a ticket) expectations would be immediately lowered. The Boston press was immediately employed writing either puff or excuse pieces depending on the player.
By addling and coddling this group of horses asses the owner also assured the inmates that the asylum in the form of the lyric, little band box of Fenway was firmly in the players’ control. The players then proceeded to eat fried chicken and drink beer. Ultimately the team lead by closer Jonathan Papelblewanotherone ended up pissing away not just the Bud Light but two series to the last place Orioles and the entire 2011 season. The inmates’ leader, the perennial underachieving, need more than 5 off days in a week, take no responsibility Josh Beckett was unconditionally defended by ownership.
Now it would be difficult to exceed the incompetence of Theo’s free agent signings (signings which Theo now in Francona’s book claims he was forced to make at gunpoint) but Henry had the brilliant idea to blame Francona for the collapse. Henry is out of touch with pretty much everything (as a billionaire he married a waitress). But the Francona axing was ludicrous. Apparently unaware that Francona had reached Brady, Ortiz, Orr, Belicheck status in this town the move backfired, horrendously.
We now have what was once unthought of in Boston: a glorified minor league baseball team. They paid Ortiz $20 million more than any other team was prepared to offer him. He rewarded them by emphasizing the “off” in off season. He is now in need of a handicap parking spot because he suddenly can’t walk. While they’re at it they should get two placards one for the “big” free agent acquisition Mike Napoli. Often injured at the peak of his career he now has degenerative hip disease. In the “those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it” category, JD Drew’s brother was signed. He’s missed the bulk of spring training with an injury that cannot be scientifically confirmed: a headache.
100, as in wins used to be the benchmark in this town. This team is a lock for 100 losses.
“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss . . . .”
KOKO
