Rules of Engagement

People climb into vehicles together and subject themselves to grueling hours of close association for the purpose of visiting far off locations.  It's called family vacation.

There's a special sort of insanity that comes from being trapped in a moving vehicle with your own children for any period of time over an hour. The degree of lunacy generated is directly proportional to how many kids you've got, how closely they have to sit to one another and how far you've got to travel.

Climbing into the minivan, Mrs. Snark glances back and observes all THREE children together in the backseat. "WHOA! Hold up!" she shouts. "Why are they all sitting together?  Why are they TOUCHING one another?"

She swings to Mr. Snark. "Are you insane?"

"You said they should be touching," Mr. Snark says.

Mrs. Snark looks at her husband like he's grown two heads. "I said they should NOT be touching. One of them should be in the third row seat. I'll sit in the second row seat with the baby, and we can put the teenager in the front passenger seat. That way no child can touch another child on purpose or by accident."

"The back is already packed," Mr. Snark grumbles. "The third row seats are collapsed."

"Then unpack it," Mrs. Snark snaps. "Only fools travel with children that can touch each other. I don't need that kind of grief."

Grumbling, Mr. Snark heads to the back to unpack and repack the car.

The trip proceeds without incident until hours and miles later, the Snarks stop for lunch at a restaurant that offers a large booth. Happenstance places the boys beside each other. 

They immediately launch into an Abbott and Costello skit...

"Scoot over." One pokes the other.
"Ow." The other elbows his brother.
POP!  BAM! BOOM!
 "You suck!"
"You suck more."
"Doofus!"
"Cookie!"
"Don't call me cookie!"
POP!  BAM! BOOM! 


From the other side of the booth, Mr. Snark roars in aggravation. "Shut up! Both of you! If either of you touches the other again, I'm going to ground both of you from all of your stuff! Forever."

Silence falls.

A pin drops.

Then one says, "Scoot over. I don't want you to accidentally touch me so I lose all of my stuff."