The Strange Case Of Winnie The Pooh

Winnie The Pooh. Donald Duck. The crazy guy down the street. What do they have in common? A lack of pants.

Okay, maybe "Pooh's" incontinent. Maybe he has a bowel issue. Could be why he doesn't wear pants. Too much fiber in his diet, all those honey pots and such. But I doubt it. He and Donald seem like exhibitionists.

Are they forward-thinking radicals, attuned to a future we can only think of? Or perverts? I opt for the latter. These are two children's icons hanging out (um, literally) without a worry of what they're repping. I mean, it's not like they're broke and can't afford pants. Winnie's constantly rocking the polo shirts while Donald's got a sorta' Village People nautical thing going on. Doesn't matter. Their upper wardrobes look costly. So did they just forget their pants? Okay, once maybe. It happens. But all the time? Doubtful.

If this is the fashion choice of tomorrow, well, sir, count me out! These two anamorphic guys apparently didn't read the Bible. I'm sorta' glad Eve ate the apple. Otherwise, we'd all be without pants. I don't want to live in a world where I walk into a McDonald's and have some kid without pants ask me if I'd like to supersize it. Nosiree-bob-cattail!

So while all the uptight folks are out there burning Huckleberry Finn and other classics, I think their over-zealous frenzy would be better served roasting nudist bears and ducks.
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Published on March 16, 2013 08:39
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