Big Men Clashing

As I might have mentioned before, I hate sports. I might not 100% believe in that Winston Churchill quote when a reporter asked him how he managed to get 90 years old, with him sitting in a chair, big and fat and smoking a cigar and his answer was “no sports”, but I love quoting that. Why move your body in vain? What for? The only sports I can persuade myself to is riding my bicycle, because I look at it as a form of transport rather than sports. As for passive sports = sport watching, I like the occasional Wimbledon tennis, the occasional soccer world-cup, the occasional winter and summer Olympics and I like – and now I finally arrive at today’s topic – Sumo and I don’t know the hell why!

Six times a year, fat men are clashing in Japan and though I am not glued to the TV but have it rather in the background like now, I am always happy when there is a Sumo tournament.

Let me try to find out why while writing this:

1) One of the advantages of watching Sumo live is that you don’t have to watch the entire time, since the time between matches is much longer than the matches themselves. You can type, do whatever, and once you hear they are ready, you watch a fight for a few seconds.

2) The fights are quick! You don’t have to sit there and watch all the time, it rarely happens that a fight is longer than a minute, they are over conveniently quickly.

3) The rules are simple. In Judo for example I have, as a laywoman, no clue what makes people win. In Sumo you don’t have that problem. A fighter hits the ground with something other than his feet and he has lost. A fighter is pushed out of the ring and he has lost. No brains needed! Just sheer force in case of pushing out, some technique to topple your opponent in the ring.

4) I always find it amazing that these big, fat men can be so quick.

5) I also like the referee and his “nokotta, nokotta, nokotta” ((They) remained (in the ring, still standing) = nobody has lost yet). Some of these guys have awesome voices that sounds as if their life depended on it whether the fighters are still standing their ground or not.

6) It’s totally fascinating that the “mawashi” (literally: wrap around) is never, and I mean never, coming off Sometimes, when there is just too much pulling at the belt, one layer may shift a bit but coming off entirely? Never! The designers of Hollywood dresses or papal gowns could learn something from mawashis to prevent embarrassing exposures for the wearers and dangerous stumbles.

7) The shouting audience is adorable too. Who says Japanese people are quiet and disciplined? They shout out the names of their favorites full throttle and throw their seat cushions through the hall when somebody beats the Yokozuna.

8) It’s not only mass – just today a by comparison tiny Japanese beat the huge Baruto who towered over him for one and a half heads.

9) Sumo is, I guess, one of the most physically demanding and destructive sports. The wrestlers push their bodies to the limits since they more or less have to become obese. Their average life expectancy is only some 65 years or so, ten years less than the Japanese average for men.

Well, now I found 9 reasons for why Sumo is awesome, that sounds like a good number and just now both Yokozunas won and no cushions flew