Fitness Tests to Give Your Human

Kitties, as you know, humans come in all shapes, sizes and mental conditions. Some are younger, some are older, and regardless of their age, they may not be in the best shape. But never fear — if your humans are on the creaky side, you can help them get in better condition. Even if your humans work out and take care of themselves, there is always room for improvement! I have a few simple tests you can give your human that will help raise their fitness level in several different areas. They are fun and easy for us kitties to do! Try them out — you will be surprised at how much better your human functions after a few weeks!

1. Improve your human’s reaction time. Late at night, while your human is sleeping, hack up a fat, wet hairball on the bedroom floor, right where you expect her to step with her bare feet. Doing this randomly without any specific pattern of days will teach her to be quicker, more alert and at the same time, more careful! Some of you kitties may be doing this one already, and if you are, paws up to you!

2. The hearing test. This is another one you perform late at night. While your human is sleeping, go into another room, find something fairly heavy and/ or breakable sitting on a table, bookshelf or ledge, and knock it to the floor. If this does not get a reaction out of your human, next time try something at a location closer to where she is sleeping. If you do get a reaction, next time try doing it again in a room that is farther away. After performing this test a few times, I can almost guarantee your human’s hearing will get better.

3. Improving lung capacity. This is the same as the hearing test, actually. When your human talks in her Very Loud Voice, as she is likely to do when you knock things around late at night, it helps strengthen her lungs. You can also do this test during the day by performing any act she does not want you to do — as long as you are doing it far enough away that she can’t physically reach you.

4. The flexibility test. Crawl somewhere that is hard to reach — under the dining table or sofa, for example, and start heaving like you are going to hack up a hairball. Your human will get down on her hands and knees to try to get you. All this movement on her part will help keep her limber! Alternately, you can howl really loud. She will think there is something wrong with you and again, try to get to you.

5. Chest exercises. Here is another one to do while your human is in bed. While she is on her back, crawl onto her chest and allow your full weight to bear down. Your human will have to work her chest muscles extra hard so she can keep breathing. It helps if you purr loudly during this exercise — it will make her less inclined to move you.

This is just a sampling. The great thing about all these tests and exercises is that they don’t really feel like workouts to your human. Even humans who have difficulty fitting exercise into their lives will make the time — with your help!
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