We Didn't Do It, But We Did It: Crap Kingdom and the New York Times

So, Crap Kingdom did not make it onto the New York Times Best Seller list this week.

I say “this week,” because: hey. Not to get all The Secret about stuff, but I earnestly believe that if I keep my head down and keep working and keep doing all the things I’m doing, someday it will be. It, or another book. My dream scenario is that my next book (or the book after it, or the book after it) is finally the effort-coalescing smash hit I have been waiting for and that propels my whole back catalog onto the list. I think this is the dream of every artist who feels under-appreciated. It is also (though the details may be different) the dream of anyone who has ever felt undervalued or looked down upon in any walk of life. “THIS ONE DANCE I DO AT THE TALENT SHOW WILL BE SO GREAT EVERYONE WILL SUDDENLY REALIZE I’M BEAUTIFUL AND THEY’LL THINK BACK ON EVERY TIME I TRIPPED IN THE HALLWAY AND REALIZE I WASN’T TRIPPING AT ALL, I WAS PERFORMING BEAUTIFUL MINI-DANCES!” And so on.

It is a cliché dream and I get that yet I am fully in its thrall.

That said, I’m sad. I do believe there’s a difference between “getting your hopes up” and “being excited by the possibility something.” I didn’t used to think that. I used to very willfully try to assume that nothing good would happen, thinking that if something good happened, it would be a neat surprise, but if nothing happened, or something bad happened, who cares? All that happened is what I expected to happen. Look how smart I am.

After a few cool things happened in my life and were greeted with very little fanfare by my insides, I realized something gamblers and businessmen know implicitly: in order to win anything, you have to wager something. If you want to be thrilled when something cool happens, you have to have hoped it was going to happen.

Basically: “Exciting” is a more marketable way of saying “full of potential heartbreak.” 

So I was excited by the possibility that this could happen, and I worked really really hard to try and get it to happen. I try very hard not to be like a high school yearbook staff, where I say “we worked really hard on this” like it somehow inures me from criticism when I’ve misspelled someone’s name. I believe hard work should be a given. Hard work does not mean you deserve something. I scream this at the TV most weeks during “Shark Tank.” I have worked hard and I will continue to work hard and when it’s finally been enough work for it to happen, it will happen.

Interesting thing about getting bad news (and an interesting thing about getting good news): it happens. And then you are still alive. After the moment you get the bad news, there is a next moment. And a next moment and a next moment and a next moment.

And then you go get something to eat.

So the bad news is it’s not on this week’s Best Sellers list. The good news is, it is out there, and people seem to like it, and once it’s out, it stays out, and people can get it, and people can find it. And I still sold quite a lot of books. And every time someone tweets a picture of their copy of the book at me, I think: “This rules.”

The lofty goal has not yet been achieved. But the main thing worth celebrating is still worth tons of celebration, and in between plotting all of the next moves (there will be a bunch), I plan to.

If you run an independent bookstore on the West Coast and would be interested in hosting a reading / signing type deal in the next few months, let me know: dcpierson AT gmail.com

If you pre-ordered the book during the almost eight-month pre-order campaign, thank you so, so much. If you sent me your pre-order receipt for a custom rap and I haven’t gotten to yet, I will, I promise. 

If you’ve read the book and liked it, please leave a review on the book’s Amazon page, it helps a ton:

http://www.amazon.com/Crap-Kingdom-DC-Pierson/dp/067001432X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363217167&sr=8-1&keywords=crap+kingdom

And likewise on Goodreads, if you’re a member:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15780282-crap-kingdom

And if you haven’t gotten the book yet, please buy it! It’s available for eReaders and in bookstores and online. I think you’ll really like it.

Thanks to everyone who supported me in my book-launch efforts:

To Marc Maron, Chris Hardwick, Doug Benson, Julie Klausner, Tom Scharpling, Erin McGathy, Dan Harmon, Cameron Esposito, Kumail Nanjiani, Emily Gordon, Dave Chen, Jeff Rubin, Jensen Karp, Matt Robinson, Elizabeth Laime, Jesse Thorn, Jordan Morris and many more who had me on their podcasts in the run-up to the book’s release, and since. I think I sold more books because of podcast appearances than any other single reason. Thanks for let me yammer and plug. (If I left you off of this list, yell at me and I’ll fix it.)

The people who worked on my tapings for my  stand-up half hour and DC Pierson Is Bad At Girls: Justin Donaldson and his crew and Jeremy Burke. 

To Steel Tipped Dove who mixed my rap mixtape and Casey Trela who recorded it.

To the artists who contributed amazing original songs to the Crap Kingdom book soundtrack: Ted Leo, Jean Grae, Free Energy, Sean Nelson, The Ettes, The Rosebuds, Advance Base, and Matt Bennett. And to Jenn Misko who has worked and is working on the music blog and college radio campaigns for the book soundtrack.

To my editor Kendra Levin and Viking publicist Tara K. Shanahan.

To Corey Griffin who did my crapkingdom.com website.

To the awesome people who contributed blurbs for the book jacket: Donald Glover, Patton Oswalt, John Hodgman, Megan Amram, Matt Fraction, and Chris Gethard.

To SlashFilm who announced the book and The AV Club, Stereogum, and Complex who premiered songs from the book soundtrack.

To Baratunde Thurston, whose thoughts on pre-order campaigns were the backbone / inspiration / main rip-off source for all my ideas. And Eliza Skinner, who I think might be my consiglieri.

To any journalists or bloggers who interviewed me or wrote about the book, or are planning to.

And if you are a journalist and want to talk to me about this book’s DIY marketing campaign in which old-world publishing meets new technology meets alternative comedy, hit Tara on the e-mail tip: Tara.Shanahan AT us.penguingroup.com. I promise I will say a combination of smart things and funny things and the whole thing will be very entertaining.

To anybody who tweeted about the book, including Lena Dunham and Joshua Malina.

To Tom Wilson, Anthony King, Rich Sommer, and Gillian Jacobs who told great stories at my Crap Kingdom book release show, and Megan Baker who took pictures, and Jimmy who did tech.

To anyone who shared any bit of my campaign (the mixtape, the soundtrack, the half-hour, the storytelling show, the custom raps) with a friend or their followers or encouraged people to buy the book.

To my girlfriend Haley who, yeah, jeez, I didn’t know that part of happiness was having someone to be happy with and for and around, and to be made happy by, and kept sane by, and to make happy, and to keep sane. But turns out it is! And tonight I am going to tell you that thing I told you this afternoon I was going to tell you when I saw you because now the main part of what makes good news good to me is I know I get to tell it to you. I always knew when Common said “I’ll tell you the rest when I see you” in “The Light” it was crazy poignant but I didn’t understand why and now I do! Neat. Neat, neat, neat.

So yeah, Crap Kingdom is out now, and it stays out.

And I am excited, with everything that implies.