If Dawg could talk...

...this would have been the conversation this morning:

Me: Good morning, pup! You going to function this morning?
Dawg (opening one bloodshot eye): Does it look like it?
Me: Do you have your ass in the bookshelf?
Dawg (closing his eye): I'm not listening to you.
Me: How can you sleep like that? You look ridiculous.
Dawg (opening both eyes and looking at my forehead): At least I'm not walking around with a wet shower cap on my head.
Me (reaching up and touching said cap): D'oh!
Dawg (pushing his butt deeper into the bottom shelf and closing his eyes): Silly humans...