Sarah Palin Gives Me a Reason to Blog Again

Wow, guys, I haven't posted in over two months. How busy/lazy can one person be? The answer is: hella busy/lazy. (Are people still saying "hella"? Cause I'm not planning to stop.)



Anyhoo, the longer one goes without blogging, the easier it is for one to continue not blogging, until one hasn’t
blogged in over two months and both of your readers are on 24-hour suicide
watch. So it’s a good thing that dingbat Republican screecher Sarah Palin is back
in the news, because, as we all know, all bloggers are legally obligated to
blog about Our Lady Palin whenever she, say, emerges from her Facebook cave
with a new nonsensical sermon about freedom and moose chili and how much the
baby Jesus loves freedom and moose chili (and white people who are constantly
having babies and getting divorced). We are also legally obligated to blog
about famous idiots in the news, especially famous idiots who've just inked book deals, so
ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT, I’LL RESURRECT THE BLOG, JEEZ.




So, Sarah Palin, Alaska’s dumbest librarian, has just inked
a new
book deal—that is the big news of the day, because our world is sad. She’ll
be typing out a manuscript on her iPhone (it will be mostly emoticons) called A
Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas, which will arrive in stores next November, just
in time for the War on Christmas, yay! Of course, because this is a Palin book
(probably copyedited by Bristol), it will be written at a second-grade level,
so even though it’s not technically a kid’s book, functionally it most
certainly will be. (And the children of U.S. America rejoice/roll their eyes.)




“But Tim,” I can hear you interjecting rudely. “Sarah Palin
is yesterday’s news, isn’t she? A tired old troll. Worn out and used up. Who
cares that she’s writing a book?” The answer is, of course, the Internet. The
Internet cares. Also, anyone who’s been worried about how Sarah’s gonna keep
her pantry stocked with bottomless supplies of Taco Bell and curly fries now
that she’s no longer sucking on that bloated Fox News teat. A lady gotta make
ends meet!




The obvious response to this from the famously liberal NYC publishing
establishment would be for some enterprising pinko acquisitions editor somewhere in
midtown or whatever to offer a book deal to Michelle Obama’s bangs, and to be
quick about it. We’ll need that book in stores by November, because otherwise
we’ll lose our f-ing minds.