Are you a good friend?
As a writer I am constantly observing people, analysing them, trying to see things from their perspective and most of all seeking what makes people tick (or stop ticking as the case may be). I used to do it even before I became a writer too. It's just the way I am wired.
One of my degrees (I have several and varied educational qualifications) is a Masters degree in Sociology which --no prizes for guessing-- is one of my favourite subjects too. Social psychology and I have spent many happy hours together. But that does not make me an expert but it sure gives me many perspectives which I might not have considered before.
Of late, I have begun analysing relationships a lot. Especially friendships. Friends are truly the family we choose for ourselves. It is interesting to see what kind of friends you have chosen for yourself. Your choices speak volumes about you, as a person.
Satish used to tell me 'There are no permanent friends or no permanent enemies.' I used to never agree with him and I used to argue with him, with examples. Two of my closest friendships are both a friendship of 31 years! The other longest friendship I have is a friendship of 21 years. Yes--I am still very good friends and in regular touch with these three people and I met two of them recently.
And yet, the older I get and the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that Satish's statement is right.
Who is a friend really?
I found this interesting link which tells you what makes a good friend. (Read it and find out if you qualify to be a good friend).
I think at certain point in our lives, certain people are 'friends'. Then situations change, various things happen and some friendships break and some last.
The most important thing to remember, if you want your friendship to last, is to realise what is important to the other person, and make an effort to accept that. Once you see things from their point of view, then you understand them. You probably can accommodate their expectations and it may not seem all that unreasonable as it did in the first place.
Also one thing which most of us don't follow is to forgive. It is hard when the wounds are deep. We keep thinking about that thing which a person did which hurt us. It isn't easily forgotten. Maybe buried deep down--but it exists.
Over the years I have lost a few good friendships. I have tried my best to retrieve them. On one occasion, even though I felt it wasn't my 'fault' (it never is one person's fault alone) I must have apologized at least 15 times over a period of one year. I kept hoping that my friend would let it go and we could resume the easy camaraderie we shared. But no--she was unyielding and I gave up after 3 years of trying.
I think if a relationship matters to you, you have to do your best to save it. If there is still no effort from the other side, let it go. Do not relentlessly pursue.
Your time with that person is over. Life's journey is long. Move on--there are better people waiting to happen. If you keep lamenting about what could have been you are closing the door on what is to be. And what is to be is usually better. And yes, accept that it hurts and it is going to hurt for a long long time.
Yesterday, I had this visual as the Display picture on my Blackberry Messenger.
A friend on my BBM pinged me and said 'wow. This is worth framing really'. I agreed with him.
Very often we complicate out own lives.
Keep it simple. Be with the ones who want you! Let go of the ones who don't!
Celebrate each day and be grateful for the ones you are there for you!
____________________________________________________________________
ps: If you want to share stories of your friendships--that exist or those that went sour, or any thoughts on friendship, please feel free! I would love to hear them.
_______________________________________________________________
pps:
If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)
http://preetishenoy.com/
One of my degrees (I have several and varied educational qualifications) is a Masters degree in Sociology which --no prizes for guessing-- is one of my favourite subjects too. Social psychology and I have spent many happy hours together. But that does not make me an expert but it sure gives me many perspectives which I might not have considered before.
Of late, I have begun analysing relationships a lot. Especially friendships. Friends are truly the family we choose for ourselves. It is interesting to see what kind of friends you have chosen for yourself. Your choices speak volumes about you, as a person.
Satish used to tell me 'There are no permanent friends or no permanent enemies.' I used to never agree with him and I used to argue with him, with examples. Two of my closest friendships are both a friendship of 31 years! The other longest friendship I have is a friendship of 21 years. Yes--I am still very good friends and in regular touch with these three people and I met two of them recently.
And yet, the older I get and the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that Satish's statement is right.
Who is a friend really?
I found this interesting link which tells you what makes a good friend. (Read it and find out if you qualify to be a good friend).
I think at certain point in our lives, certain people are 'friends'. Then situations change, various things happen and some friendships break and some last.
The most important thing to remember, if you want your friendship to last, is to realise what is important to the other person, and make an effort to accept that. Once you see things from their point of view, then you understand them. You probably can accommodate their expectations and it may not seem all that unreasonable as it did in the first place.
Also one thing which most of us don't follow is to forgive. It is hard when the wounds are deep. We keep thinking about that thing which a person did which hurt us. It isn't easily forgotten. Maybe buried deep down--but it exists.
Over the years I have lost a few good friendships. I have tried my best to retrieve them. On one occasion, even though I felt it wasn't my 'fault' (it never is one person's fault alone) I must have apologized at least 15 times over a period of one year. I kept hoping that my friend would let it go and we could resume the easy camaraderie we shared. But no--she was unyielding and I gave up after 3 years of trying.
I think if a relationship matters to you, you have to do your best to save it. If there is still no effort from the other side, let it go. Do not relentlessly pursue.
Your time with that person is over. Life's journey is long. Move on--there are better people waiting to happen. If you keep lamenting about what could have been you are closing the door on what is to be. And what is to be is usually better. And yes, accept that it hurts and it is going to hurt for a long long time.
Yesterday, I had this visual as the Display picture on my Blackberry Messenger.
A friend on my BBM pinged me and said 'wow. This is worth framing really'. I agreed with him.
Very often we complicate out own lives.
Keep it simple. Be with the ones who want you! Let go of the ones who don't!
Celebrate each day and be grateful for the ones you are there for you!
____________________________________________________________________
ps: If you want to share stories of your friendships--that exist or those that went sour, or any thoughts on friendship, please feel free! I would love to hear them.
_______________________________________________________________
pps:
If you like my blog, you might enjoy my books :) Grab them here. (You don't need a credit card. You can pay cash on delivery) or if you are an Amazon Fan, you can grab them here
And you can interact with me on my FB page. I always reply :)
http://preetishenoy.com/
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