Why I bitch…
Every once in a while, someone will come along and tell me how I’m doing this blogging thing all wrong. I’ve got books to sell, and so I should buddy up to people and talk about happy topics. I’m told that I make people feel inadequate or inferior, and that this is no way to make friends. I sometimes worry that maybe they’re right, and maybe I should find nicer stuff to talk about.
But for those one or two folks who say I ought to clean my act up, when I go out on Twitter and ask, “Am I doing all right?” I get back a lot of positive responses. I’ve been told that I’m saying and doing things that few other writers have the guts to do. They say I’m more honest and open about my past, and that I’ve helped educate them about what victims of abuse have to deal with every day. I’ve opened some eyes up about how hard it is to be openly queer and put up with daily doses of hate from the moral majority. And in this way, I’m not a friend so much as an educator.
Despite these encouragements, there are still times when I feel like the whole thing’s a wasted effort. I reach some people, and they learn how their privilege is harmful to others. But for every one person I reach, I feel like I make three or four new enemies. My traffic numbers here are always kind of low, and despite being at this indie writing gig going on seven years now, I’m still not that well known. Nobody’s going to invite me to talk at a con panel, or have me as a guest for a podcast interview, and I doubt my work will ever be nominated for an award. And I think, “Well maybe I could, if only I toned my act down.”
I bounce back and forth on this, about what I’m supposed to be talking about here. But the thing is, I don’t do writing advice posts, nor do I write about a publishing industry I have no interest being a part of. I write about things that matter to me, and that I want to matter to you. Sometimes, I get angry because I don’t feel like anyone is reading, or that anyone cares. I want to make you care, and I want you to understand how much work has to be done to make things better for everyone, not just for a sheltered and select few.
And okay, I sometimes take some time off from this to do a game or book review, or to write a lighter post to joke about something. But to my mind, these are the random extra features. You don’t come to me for my opinion as a reviewer. If you want up to date reviews, there are better writers for that, writers who review games or books right after they come out. There are other writers already giving out enough advice on the craft, and who talk about publishers and agents and what not. I have no interest in these things anyway, and I have the feeling it would show in my writing.
I don’t want you to come to my blog to read pithy jokes, or to get advice on how to handle character development. When you come here, I want it to be because you’re looking to understand me and people like me. Yeah, I make that harder because I rarely tackle an issue with the right “tone.” But you know what? No abuser ever stopped hitting me cause I asked them nicely to think about my side of things. No oppressor has ever stopped harming others just because their victims remember to say “please.” So if you come to my blog expecting sweetness and light, it just goes to show how little you know about me.
The reason why I bitch as much as I do is because there’s so few people willing to give brutal honesty anymore. Tact and the desire to fit in waters down everyone’s blogging, until what they really mean to say is lost under all the butt smooching and platitudes. There is a time and place for butt smooching, and I do my best to acknowledge the support I get from people out there. But there should also be a time for getting angry and shaking my fist. Besides, if all I show you is what I think will please you, that would make me a poser and a hypocrite, and those are two things I never want to be known as.
