REDFERN ENTERPRISES’ TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE QUESTIONNAIRE

Thank you for your application to work for REDFERN ENTERPRISES, formerly CAMPAIGN FOR THE RELEASE OF REDFERN BARRETT, formerly TOTALLY NONTOXIC CHILDREN’S CHEMICAL PLAYSLUDGE, INC. In order to process your application, we need you to complete the following questionnaire:

 

 

FIRST NAME:__________________________________

SURNAME:____________________________________

THE NAME WHISPERED TO YOU IN THE DARKNESS:____

 

AGE (COUNTING BACKWARDS FROM ESTIMATED DEATH DATE):____

GENDER (PLEASE GIVE RELEVANT JUSTIFICATIONS):____________

CITY OF BIRTH:__________________________________________

NUMBER OF HEALTHY CHILDREN IN YOUR AREA:_______________

NUMBER OF TIMES, PER WEEK, YOU VISIT A GRAVEYARD:________

 

PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING SENTENCES:

“People generally describe me as _____________________________”

“I like to think of myself as __________________________________”

“I cry every time _________________________________________”

“He no longer has eyes because ______________________________”

 

PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS WITH A ‘YES’ (Y) OR ‘NO’ (N):

“If I discover workplace malpractice, I always notify a superior.”                       ___

“I am happy to work extra hours to meet deadlines.”                                                ___

“Under certain circumstances, my loved ones are expendable.”                          ___

“I am at peace around the dead.”                                                                                        ___

“I am unable to feel empathy toward animals or other humans.”                        ___

“I can work as part of a team.”                                                                                             ___

 

IN YOUR OWN WORDS, DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE:

 

 

IN YOUR OWN WORDS, DESCRIBE HOW YOU IMAGINE YOUR GRANDPARENTS’ FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES:

 

 

PLEASE AFFIX A DRAWING OF YOUR ANCESTORS HERE:

 

 

We thank you for completing this questionnaire. Please wait 2-3 hours for a response before contacting us.

PLEASE NOTE: BY WRITING YOUR NAME ABOVE YOU AGREE TO PARTAKE IN REDFERN ENTERPRISES’ NONDISCLOSURE AGREEMENTS, AND GRANT COMPANY EXECUTIVES THE RIGHT TO ENTER YOUR HOME BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4:00-6:00 AND 22:00-00:00 (“WITCHING HOUR”).

“Good luck”

 

- Redfern

 

 

 

 

 

 

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