Don’t Go to Bed Angry, But Waking Up Angry is Fine

Moms. We have to get up pretty early in the morning. It seems that no matter how early I get up, whether it’s 6:15 or 4:45, I end up berating myself for not getting up ten minutes sooner.

But some mornings it’s hard, especially after a late night Netflix or Hulu binge of Korean dramas or 1970s sitcoms like The Bob Newhart Show. (That’s funny stuff. I adore Bob Newhart. May he live forever.)

When I was pregnant with my fourth child, I had to get up early, but I discovered the power of Altoids. I kept a little tin of them on my nightstand. When I absolutely needed to get up in the morning, but my heavy body and my very soul were working against me, I’d reach over, flip open the Altoids tin and take a deep whiff of those “curiously strong” mints. Powerful stuff! It woke me up every time.

Well, lately I’ve been chugging Altoids like there’s no tomorrow since I supposedly gave up candy. (Altoids don’t count. Neither does cold cereal, as you should know by now if you’ve followed this blog at all. Like I say, I have my double standard and I’m sticking to it.) So since I eat them all the time, Altoids have lost some of their power of sense-revival. I needed something new—and I found it:

Being ticked off.

A few months ago I went to a book signing where the small bookstore alerted me at the last minute that my books had not yet come in and would I please bring some from my own stash to sell. “We’ll reimburse you. We’ll give you replacement books as soon as they come in, which could be any day now.”

Sure, I said. After all, it was a booksigning/fundraiser for a good cause, a girl fighting cancer. I was game. And they’d have my books in right away, so no problem.

This was the beginning of November.

Since then, I’ve called, stopped in (a three hour trip–each way!), emailed, called, emailed, asked.

Still no books. Still no payment. This…is bugging me. A lot.

However, in a way, it’s a really cool, useful situation. Why? Because when I hit that off button on my alarm clock at 5:00 a.m., and just ache to go back to sleep for a few hours, I remind myself to let my mind drift to this bookstore. Before I know it, my blood is pumping and I am letting my mouth press into a straight line of “mad,” and I know I won’t be falling back to sleep again with this much annoyance running around in my head.

Voila! Awake!

I’m not thinking that “waking up mad” is going to be a good long-term solution for my life. I don’t actually like being mad very much. There probably are some people who do like being mad. Not me. So I’m either going to have to actually take care of the problem or else I’ll have to just decide to let it go and mentally “give” them the $175 or whatever. Just giving it to them as a present in my mind would probably take care of the whole thing. And I could do that. And I just might.

But for now, it’s a great gift to me and makes me jump out of bed in the morning ready to put on my shoes and get after the day’s challenges.

So, thank you, rude bookstore, for never paying me for my books. (But please pay me for them because I need more sleep.)