When things work right...

As anyone who's read my books knows, I've got a few kinks.

Spanking? Yup! Flogging? Yes, PLEASE! Bondage? *drooooolz*

But one of my strongest kinks is for... competence. Efficiency. Things that do what they're supposed to.

Sad to say, this has become a largely disposable society. We've been programmed to expect things to either not work very well from the outset, or crap out on us within a couple of years.

Case in point: my compact, lightweight Oreck vacuum cleaner, which I bought on Amazon about a year and a half ago. Everything worked fine until I had to change the damn bag - then nothing worked. I had to pull clumps of hair out of the brush bar every time I used it. Then the belt broke. I bought a new one and installed it myself. Then it just stopped sucking up the dirt altogether - or rather, it looked like it was sucking up the dirt, but when I turned it off, it dumped all the dirt/dust/cat hair on the floor.

Finally I gave in to frustration and lugged it down to my local repair shop. They told me it'd cost $100 just to have them look at it.

Well, fuck that.

So I started shopping around for a replacement. I'd been lusting after a Dyson for ages, but $500-600 for a vacuum cleaner's a bit out of my budget.

Luckily, my local Best Buy had the discontinued model DC28 Animal on sale - a $500 machine for $279. I beat it down there and got the last one!



I couldn't help squeeing when I unpacked it, and discovered it's purple!

It was a snap to assemble, then I put it through its paces. Considering I hadn't vacuumed in a week - and I have a black cat who sheds all over the place - I wasn't expecting a miracle. But LOOK!


Damn thing looks like it swallowed a sweater!

Hands down, the best vacuum - hell, the best household appliance I've ever owned! (Except for my Breville tea maker!) And it comes with a five year warranty, too. Color me impressed!

First time in my life I've ever said, "You SUCK!" when it wasn't an insult. :)