Self-Conscious Blogger

My very last panel at MarsCON was "Good Blog, Bad Blog," which I signed up to be a part because I really, really wanted to be on a panel with haddayr and naomikritzer , but also because I feel sometimes like I FAIL Blogging 101.

And, yeah, that was pretty much confirmed.

I do all the things wrong. I'm boring, self-indulgent, and write when I don't really have anything to say. I don't link to anything interesting. I talk about the cute things my cat does and the goofy stuff my kid says. I don't drive people to my products with my witty repartie (though at least I don't talk ONLY about my books, which is apparently even a bigger sin than being boring--probably because it's boring AND narcassitic.)

So you can stop reading at any point now. I'm okay with that.

Thing is, I decided some time ago that when I TRY to do all that stuff you're supposed to do, blogging becomes this huge chore (and we did make that point too, so I *am* doing a few things right in my own weird way.) This is actually why I stopped posting as much on my Tate Hallaway blog and at Wyrdsmiths. I started feeling like I had to be clever there in a way that I don't feel like I have to here--because everyone has supposedly fled this platform years ago and I feel much more like I'm in a safe space among friends who already know how boring I am. I actually told my publicist at Penguin that guest blogs are really hard for me for this reason and that, if possible, I'd rather participate only in interviews. (Hmmmm, maybe that's why Penguin dumped me.) But, I really do SUCK when I try/feel compelled to write the pithy non-promotional, promotional blog. The funny/ironic part of all this is that IN-PERSON, I have no problem walking that line. "Just be yourself!" my PR person will bubble, perhaps not realizing that when I'm not at a con I REALLY AM THIS BORNG. As an extrovert, I can do all this stuff face-to-face, but trying to distill my dorky charm into a post...? Nope, can't do it.

And now I'll be thinking about all this every time I sit down to write a blog!!

But, the rest of the con was pretty good. I will admit I also started off on the wrong foot on my very first panel because it was called "Gender Limitations in SF/F" and I read the panel description and my knee-jerk reaction was, "WTF? Why are we still talking about this??" And THEN when I got there I realized that the only man on the panel was the MODERATOR. And I thought, "WTF? Why are we still dealing with THIS?" and the first thing out of my mouth during the introductions was a far too snarky, "Well, I think that whatever the rest of us think, we should simply defer to the male moderator," which I think MIGHT HAVE BEEN JUST A TINSY-WEENSY BIT AWKWARD.

It certainly wasn't the most constructive way to start off.

However, to the moderator's credit and the rest of the panelists, they managed to pull the panel out of the nosedive I sent it spiralling into and, ultimately, I think, we had a good discussion. But, yeah, I was an ass. I think, later, when I saw the moderator dude at the "Women in Comicbook Fandom" panel, he was really scared and nervous to see me there. That panel, however, was dominated by the wonderful Christopher Jones and I who mostly did what we did on the Avenger's Panel at CONvergence last year, which was to scream excitedly to one another about our Marvel fannishness. We talked more about DC Comics at this panel, though, and I had to be quiet because I really haven't read a DC title since junior high school (1979.) And DC has done a lot of damage to its female fanbase. So I shut up and listened, which is often a good thing for me to practice doing on a panel.

I was a little disappointed that I couldn't draw out Rebecca Marjesdatter a bit more on the Comic's panel, though because she, I think, represents where female fandom is going to stream into Marvel. She admitted in her intro that she's NEW to comics and that she came in via the Avenger's movie, partly to understand some of the referrences in Avengers fic. I noted that I've acted as a gateway to some friends who see all of comicbook canon and wonder where the hell to start if they want to get any sense of the rich history of what led up to the Marvel movies.

But maybe there wasn't much more to say to that, though I thought it was a fascinating entryway into comicbooks that no one really talks about, but which really makes sense for female readership...

I got a chance, though to hang out with Christoper Jones afterwards, which was awesome, because he's kind of a rockstar to me. He actually draws for both DC and Marvel and that was MY DREAM when I was ten years old. I ended up in a very similar place, but comicbooks were by FAR my first love in terms of what I wanted to be when I grew up (though I never told people that as an answer to that question because I never thought it was possilbe.) So I spent some time quietly squeeing at him about how awesome I imagine his life to be.

One of the other things I did at MarsCON was buy a tanuki:


Bryan Thoa Worra took this picture of me because I came out of the dealer's room super excited to have found a tanuki figurine while also being loudly and suitably HORRIFIED that Tanuki is missing his magical testicles. They are supposed to be super large, so much so that Tanuki is able to fly on them and beat people up with them. These have VERY OBVIOUSLY been cut off! Oh noz! He's been grounded!

I also spent a lot of time explaining to people that the reason I wanted a tanuki had a little less to with his drunken trickster god status as to his connection to my fan obsession, being one fourth of the composition of a nue. I also explained that he is not a racoon, but a dog--the only dog native to Japan. But mostly I made a nuisance of myself shouting about swollen magical balls.

I also spent money at the dealer's room on earrings for Shawn. As I also explained to anyone who would listen, I met my partner playing D&D, so when I found earrings made from 20-sided dice I HAD to have them. I also bought her a pair of Cthulu earrings, just because everyone should have a pair of Cthulu earrings.

There were other awesome panels, but they're quickly fading from memory, alas.

So, yeah, how was your con/weekend?