Dealing With Hate

I’ve written my own posts on hate mail and how I responded to it, but I’ve never considered any of my new blogger friends and how you guys deal with it. For that, I’m sorry. I wish I had done an FQ before, because you probably would have felt a lot better about getting your hate mail. It happens to everyone and you are not alone.

I’ll never forget my first piece of hate mail. I pulled open an unapproved comment on my WordPress site, expecting a comment agreeing with me or telling a funny story. Instead, I was confronted with a message that called me a fat, ugly bitch. I started to sweat and my hands started to shake. I was furious and terrified all at the same time. I wasn’t sure how to respond. So, instead, I went and I looked in my bathroom mirror.

Then I realized that I was still smoking hot and still height weight appropriate. My shoulders slumped in relief as I realized I was dealing with a “troller”.

There is a difference between hate mail and between comments that just disagree with you. Hatemail is designed to make you feel sad and hurt. It’s designed to get a rise out of you. Disagreeing comments are just that. They are comments from people that just disagree with you. If you can’t handle a dissenting opinion, I can’t help you. If you’re going to write, then you need to be prepared to argue with people that think you are an idiot. Dissent makes the world go round

But you shouldn’t have to deal with hate mail and you should NEVER back down on your own turf. Hate mail threatens you. It attacks you as a person, instead of offering reason based arguments. So how the hell do you deal with it?

Essa Alroc has your back. Since my first hate mail comment, I’ve gotten over 200 hate mail comments that go straight to my spam box.  Sometimes I ignore, sometimes I respond. But I don’t take it personally and my hands don’t shake when a hate mail letter shows up anymore.

Instead, I get a rush of adrenaline and my fingers tingle as I realize that I am about to win.

So how do you do that? How do you let it roll off your back and get all badass like me? Well my friends, it’s a four step process.

#1…Ignore. Most hate mail is designed to get a rise out of you in order to get attention. Always remember, it is not about you. It is about your troller and the fact that they want site hits. If you’re like me, you smirk, roll your eyes and delete.

#2…You email. I almost always give my hate mailers one chance to take back what they said. If you have an email address, respond to them. Ask what their problem is. One of my earliest hate mailers was a guy named Jack. I responded to his voracious comment in private email and we actually opened a dialog.  I realized he did not 100% understand one of my posts and we discussed it. He made some good points and so did I.  He is now a good friend and a regular follower.

#3…You respond in the comments. For this, you must be prepared for an argument. (If they’re hate mailers, then they’re comments will lack logic and soon, you’re followers will take care of them for you.) However, if the comments are really pissing you off, you can change them. For example, some hateful idiot was stupid enough to send me this message.

I changed it to this.

You’ll notice that I mention occasionally that ‘Essaland is not a democracy’. That’s because it’s true. You can change comments. You can make your responders look like idiots. You can fuck with them endlessly because when they come to your page, they need to play by your rules. Never forget that. Your site is your kingdom. If you’re going to be a blogger, you need to defend it.

#4…You ask for an Essa intervention. This is a last resort, but it is still an option. If you’ve found my hidden site, you know that I have some rudimentary HTML skills and that fucking with people is a hobby of mine. If someone is coming to your page, attacking you, and you don’t know what to do, then feel free to contact me. I’m always available to attack and violate someone who thinks they own the internet. Seriously, it’s like crack to me.

If you’re going to write, then you need to be prepared for criticism. If you can defend your position, you’re always a mile ahead of anyone who chooses to go with personal attacks. However, if they’ve gone too far, if they’ve attempted to hack your site, of if they’ve started attacking you personally, then maybe its time to take it a step father.

If so, it only takes two minutes to send an email. You know where my contact page is. Send it.

FYI, last cunt who tried to attack my page, consider me Dikembe Mutombo. Not in my house bitch. I might have ignored you, with your stupid little response, but then you tried to insert a half assed codec. You’ll be hearing from me later. Let’s hope you have some money saved for a new computer….