Owning Our Desire

by C. Margery Kempe

“All unfulfilled desires are imprisoned children.”

― Anais Nin

We know what we want, but sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of it. Why? We all have myriad pressures on us from those close to us and from the more nebulous forces of society. How many of these voices do you recognise?

“It’s not ladylike.”

“No respectable woman would do that.”

“Aren’t you ashamed?”

There’s no shortage of people to tell us we’re wrong, particularly when it comes to desire. Religions, politicians, pundits — everyone seems to know how we should feel. But we know it’s not true. Don’t we?

Own your desire.

Do not allow anyone to tell you what is right for you. You don’t have to love the alpha male, you don’t have to love the beta male. You don’t have to love the male at all! There is every kind of romance out there — have you experimented to see if there’s something you’re missing? Something that would satisfy your desire in a new way?

We change over time. I’m old enough to look back on my younger self, shake my head and laugh. I understand now what Dylan was getting at when he sang, “Oh, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.” There are fewer things more free than a middle aged woman: we are invisible to the greater culture, considered to be of little value. If we’re lucky, we’re secure (monetarily and psychologically).

But why wait until then? If I could have told my younger self anything, it would be drop those fears now! Don’t worry about anyone’s approval and yes, stop waiting for someone to give you permission. Be fearless; claim your desire.

“I want to hear raucous music, to see faces, to brush against bodies, to drink fiery Benedictine. Beautiful women and handsome men arouse fierce desires in me. I want to dance. I want drugs. I want to know perverse people, to be intimate with them. I never look at naive faces. I want to bite into life, and to be torn by it.”

― Anaïs Nin

Alas, this is my last post at Nights of Passion. I am sliding over to Lady Smut to blog at a slightly racier level (and on Fridays instead of Sundays). Hope to see some of you over there — exciting news coming soon about who will be Sunday blogger here. And of course I’ll be dropping in back here: I wouldn’t want to miss anything. Thanks to Sue and Gerri and the rest of the Nights of Passion crew past and present for a fun time.

Filed under: C. Margery Kempe, Kit Marlowe