Guy
Guy looked into the river. The murky waters where fast flowing. As he watched an old matress floated past turning in circular motions as the strong current bore it away. The railing which separated him from the whirling waters below wasn’t high. A man of his agility could so easily climb over and be lost in the freezing depths below. Now that he stood on the foot bridge the icey rain blowing into his face he wasn’t sure that he could go through with it.
A voice in his head said “Do it. Your lungs will fill with water. There will be a few moments of panic but then blessed nothingness will engulf you”. A contrary voice whispered, “You coward man. Face the music. Hand yourself in, do what you know to be right”.
Guy gripped the railings as the bridge began to sway. The wind made the river boil like the witches cauldron in Macbeth. Spray from the river below was borne by powerful gusts into Guy’s face. Guy’s grip on the rail tightened his knuckles turning white with the cold and the pressure of his grip.
The lights of a passing police car momentarily lit up the waters. Could they be coming for him? Guy thought the panic rising in him. He felt sick. Guy vomited into the river. Looking around he saw that the police car had disappeared into the blackness, They weren’t looking for him then. He breathed a little easier his heart returning to something approximating to normality.
Why had he done it? Guy couldn’t answer the question. No that wasn’t true, he could answer it but he was repelled by the answer. Thinking back on the events of earlier that day Guy felt the bile rise in him again. Leaning over the railings he vomited once more the remaining contents of his stomach being borne away by the torent below.
You filthy animal. You sick, sick puppy Guy told himself. Animals had no self control, he was a wild beast lacking in all restraint. No that wasn’t true and Guy knew it. Unlike the lion or the tiger he possessed that uniquely human attribute, that which philosophers call conscience. He had known that his actions where wrong but he had allowed his animal instincts to take over. He was worse than an animal as he, unlike they knew the difference between moral and immoral.
—
The curtains where drawn with only a dim glow being cast by a shaded lamp. The girl was indistinct. Guy could make out the briefest of skirts and a top made of some gauzy material barely covering her young frame. “You want me?” she said stroking his leg. Guy tried to concentrate, to break through his arousal and pinpoint what was causing him concern. He squinted trying to get a better look at his companion. She had long blonde hair tied up in pigtails and looked every inch the schoolgirl. “How old are you?” he asked hoarsely. “18” she replied. “You look much younger” Guy said. “Look mister do you really wanna know my age?” she said. Guy hesitated, “Well do you?” the girl asked looking unblinkingly into Guy’s eyes. Guy swallowed, “Yes” he answered finally. “OK I’m 14. Satisfied now?” Guy new what he should do. Get the hell out of that place straight away. Instead he shrugged, unbuttoned his jeans and pushing the girl down on the bed gave in to his desires.
—
Guy stirred into the dark waters. They mirrored the blackness which lurked deep within him. Slowly, deliberately he climed over the railings. There was a splash, a brief flailing of legs and then the dark waters closed over the head of another suicide.
