Being Alone

I am alone…when I work, my real work—writing—that’s when I’m completely alone. Sometimes I sit before a computer, sometimes on the couch with a notebook opened across my lap, and sometimes in the dark, in a corner of the bedroom at night. Alone, no matter who’s in the room with me.
You can’t escape yourself when it’s dark. Or early in the morning before the rough day scratches over your life like a rake. It’s like there’s no one to depend on, and there isn’t.
The abstractness of life is chaos trained on one soul, yours, mine. The gears turn, the chemicals churn, and we believe we’re in some kind of control, but we’re not, we never have been, and can’t be.
The only control we really have is to open or close the door. That’s it. Open the door often enough and wonderful, wild, exciting things happen. Close it, and, well… 
From this crazy place in the dark, with the door wide open, there’s no telling what will happen next. I’ve been through marriages, moves, wars, births, jobs, and all sorts of other things. I’ve been lost in the wilderness literally and figuratively. I’ve almost died more than once, and I’ve lived, I’ve lived, I’ve lived. 
From my miniscule place on this huge planet in this enormous universe, I often wonder what matters. I wonder whether I’m better off alone or with others. Whether anything matters or not. I think about everything. Recently, I wrote this in my notebook: “When you question life, you gravitate toward the person who will give you the answer you want, not the answer you need; the answer you desire, not the one that is true.”
Where does this stuff come from? Do we care? Do I care? When I share my lonely space with the open door, there is no telling what’s going to enter. I tell myself all the time to just write it down, just write it all down. And I do.

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Terry Persun writes in many genres, including historical fiction, mainstream, literary, and science fiction/fantasy. His novel, Cathedral of Dreams is a ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year finalist in the science fiction category. His novel Sweet Song just won a Silver IPPY Award, too. His latest novel is, Revision 7: DNA , a sci-fi thriller. Terry’s website is: www.TerryPersun.com or you can find him on Amazon HERE.