A New Love

Brian Leahy Photography

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Brian Leahy Photography

After losing my first husband, Mark, in a plane crash, I thought that I would never be able to truly love another man again. My heart was shred to pieces and I was certain that going forward, God had in mind for me to live a life in which I would remain single. I had loved Mark very deeply and I felt as though no man could ever replace him as my husband. I was right. No man could. However, what I failed to realize, was that God can work in all things to bring about new love. He can provide love that doesn’t take away from the previous, but instead adds to it.

I had thought that the part of my heart that held and gave romantic love was Mark’s and Mark’s alone. I had learned to give my heart to many others, but certainly not romantically. That compartment was closed. The other compartment, the one that feels empathy and love for others in this world grew. I could feel more love for them and I focused on finding purpose in that. I thought that certainly God intended to use me as young widow and to perhaps prove to others that you can live life without a spouse. The love I had received from Mark, the love that God me through him, provided me with such strength in this.

When I met my now husband, John, I was living an entirely new life in California. I had moved from the midwest, where I lived with Mark, and  I had a new career and new friends. I was feeling purpose with my travel business, my writing, and all that I had involved myself with. God was providing me with some amazing adventures and I was grateful.

John pursued me with a quiet confidence and we began dating. I initially viewed it as very casual but as time went on it grew in intensity and I knew it was leading towards marriage. This terrified me and brought up many emotions that I had to deal with. As a result, I often tried to break things off with John. I didn’t think I could love him enough as I thought that part of my heart had no more to give. I also thought marriage wasn’t for me and so I prayed and even fasted about our relationship, expecting God to tell me to break up with him. Instead, I found Him encouraging me to stay. I was often shocked by this response and it took both faith and courage for me to stay the course. I kept a journal and in looking back, I can clearly see the signs that God provided in encouraging our relationship. I eventually decided to let go and trust God.  In doing this, my love for John grew and so did my capacity to feel the love he had for me. I felt the benefits of trusting God. We were married in an absolutely gorgeous private ceremony this past fall.

What we think is best for our life may not always be and just when we think we have God’s plan for our life figured out, He moves us in a new direction. God loves us and He wants us to rely on Him. He wants us to be willing to change at any moment to align our lives to His will. He wants us in prayer and He wants us to always be growing in love for others. God has taught me that He can provide new life in ways in which we can’t even fathom. People can’t be replaced, but life can be reframed and God can provide more love in your heart than you had ever thought possible!