Five Keywords in Book Reviews That Warn You a Novel Will Be Boring

Rappers have their own special language. So do skaters and gamers and bikers. What about book reviewers? Sure, reader-reviewers on Amazon and Goodreads tend to communicate in straightforward English prose. But what about “professional” reviewers in the New York Times or the New Yorker or even People or Entertainment Weekly? I’ve noticed a few words pop up in these reviews over and over, and they are usually code for “this book is pretentious and dull, but the author is famous and the publisher insists it’s a big deal.”

Lyrical: Beware the review that gushes over a novel’s lyrical prose. This means the book is long on flowery description and short on plot.

Spare: Spare is the opposite of lyrical. All the characters will have the verbal skills of a 15-year-old boy at family reunion. Expect a lot of three-word sentences and smoldering silences.

Luminous: Here the characters are drifting along in a fog. Someone please wake them up!

Elliptical: WTF?? You will never be able to figure out what’s going on in a book that’s branded elliptical.

Transcendent: Be afraid. Be very afraid. This book is deep. It’s full of hidden meaning that the average Joe will never be able to discern. Neither can the reviewer, so he slaps on the “transcendent” label.

Whether they are high art or fun entertainment,the books we want to read are good stories well told. So when the specialized reviewer argot comes out, the smart reader heads for the hills.

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