“Where the hell am I?” – Helen Keller
Occasionally, in the land of Facebook, very strange, unpredictable and hysterical exchanges suddenly appear out of nowhere. Similarly, also in the land of Facebook, very strange, unpredictable and fucking crazy exchanges suddenly appear out of nowhere. The below is an interesting hybrid of both of these phenomena. Starting first with a random back-and-forth with a friend named Sky – about Helen Keller jokes, of all things – the appearance of a third party, seeking to correct our errant behavior, spun the conversation in wild ways. And wait for the when the crazy comes out…
Sky Palma: status update: “Where the hell am I?” – Helen Keller
Vincent Truman: Reminds me of one of my favorite jokes. Q. What happened when Helen Keller fell down the well? A. She screamed her fingers off.
Sky Palma: How come Helen Keller didn’t scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens.
Vincent Truman: How does Helen Keller read porn? She reads with one hand, she moans with the other.
Elsie Bandages: i daresay that Helen Keller could beat you up. but she’s better than that…
Sky Palma: What’s easiest way to beat Helen Keller in a fist fight? They’re all easy. She’s blind, duh.
Vincent Truman: How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They left the plunger in the toilet.
Elsie Bandages: even Patty Duke PLAYING Helen Keller could .
Sky Palma: What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless Love.
Vincent Truman: Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
Sky Palma: Why does Helen Keller hate metaphors? Because she can’t see the writing on the wall.
Vincent Truman: What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy.
Sky Palma: Why can’t Helen Keller have kids? Because she’s dead.
Vincent Truman: Hey, did you know Helen Keller had a birthday party in her backyard? Neither did she.
Sky Palma: What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Black.
Vincent Truman: Why did Helen Keller’s dog commit suicide? You would, too, if your name was ‘Urghrrghrghr’.
Elsie Bandages: Hey! Who graduated cum laude from college, was friends with Mark Twain, wrote a book by the age of 24, and co-founded the ACLU, and yet has to endure- from the grave- angry frustrated no-lifes making fun of her disabilities? Helen Keller!
Sky Palma: Who’s most offended by Helen Keller jokes? Not Helen Keller because she’s dead.
Vincent Truman: Fair enough point, Ms. B. Reality is key and should be respected. Next time my nephew starts a knock-knock joke with me, I will correct him and point out he is not actually at my door.
Elsie Bandages: so , your goal is for you to be on the same level of humor -sophistication as a kid telling knock knock jokes? ok, go for it. Ok- I’ll treat it as I do when my kid tells a totally lame kid-joke and patronize you with a simple “heh”. Congratulations- You will soon have a popular half-hour special on comedy central. Also- the old “It was a joooke! ” excuse only works if it’s FUNNY. fyi. See, if it’s funny, people cant help but laugh and easily get past any offensiveness, and they dont even get to the point of needing the “it was a joke” excuse. The not- funniness was as offensive as the actual “jokes”.
Vincent Truman: Humor is pretty subjective, yo. Two guys riffing on obscure and silly Helen Keller jokes was funny to Sky and it was funny to me. Get off your fuckin’ high horse and let others find shit funny. Further, the knock-knock analogy was apparently not explained well on my part. What I am inferring is that I could suck the funny out of someone else’s joke too – but what do I gain? Moral superiority? The joy at making something less enjoyable for someone else, however fleetingly? That’s not my thing; I wouldn’t do it. Hope I’m clear on this point now.
Elsie Bandages: Again, congratulations on having attained the level of humor of a 4 yr old. I love it when people say whatever they want to say, and then are incredulous and/or pissy when others do the same. How hypocritical. Here’s how it works- you can say whatever you want –and so can I! And it doesnt really make sense to be amazed when someone responds. Amazing, i know..If you would rather not anyone make any kind of response to anything you say, ever, you and Sky might want to save you HILARIOUS jokes for your double date with Helen Keller’s also-deaf twin grandaughters, the Olsen twins, yo.
Vincent Truman: I hate to clue you in here, but expressing contrary points of view does not hypocrisy make. That, more than any dialogue, is sub-juvenile. You win.
Elsie Bandages: I didnt say that expressing contrary views is hypocritical. I said that it is hypocritical of you to expect to be able to say whatever you want to , but not allow/expect anyone to respond. It’s you who has a problem with someone expressing a view different from your own. Not me. Rest assured- there was no “funny’ to be sucked out of anything you guys said.
Vincent Truman: How am I not allowing you to express yourself? What power am I exerting over your free will? And again, humor is subjective, unless you deem yourself the judge of all things funny.
Elsie Bandages: Did it ever occur to you that your dickish jokes might make someone’s visit to a site such as this “less enjoyable ” , or maybe even way more depressing, for others? No? Oh- but you two are exclusivley the two who are deserving of not having your little reverie interrupted..sorry. You two should use all the copious free time you seem to have on yr hands to create a website devoted to the ridicule of Helen Keller-if there’s not one already- so you can make your jokes about being deaf and highly accomplished, in a bubble of people who all agree with you!
Vincent Truman: I did not know Sky’s page was equivalent to a “site”! I did not know, either, that you did not have the ability to hide this particular post. I’m sorry for your apparent loss of freedom and enjoyment and my overwhelming ability to limit your expression. But unlimited kudos to you for sidestepping every question I put to you! Go grrrrl!
…
And then… at 3am the next day… out came the crazy…
Elsie Bandages: Facebook is a “site”. jeez- semantics.. come on now…
And what questions have i sidestepped on? You claimed i was incorrect in calling you hypocritical. I addressed. You asked if I gain a sense of moral superiority out of pointing out the idiocy of yr “views”–I dont. I read Sartre in high school– I know morality is relative, it’s totally arbitrary, etc etc…it doesnt exist..I know. Im not trying to dictate morality to you, or speak on behalf of the whole population, or say that because most people think its wrong, that makes it wrong. At all. Im just sayin, just because most people think its wrong, doesnt make it right either, y know? There’s gotta be a better reason to say it than “ooohhh..now, that’ll piss em off…..” I know its trendy to try to say shit no one else would say, just to try to be shocking, or different. but at this point, like i say, its trendy- its the very same conventionality that it was supposed to be fighting against! i think ive discussed this with sky- well, not “discussed” bc i think he left the conversation prematurely. I think i said “There might be a very good reason no one’s ever said it before- it might simply be a real dumb thing to say. People disagreeing or agreeing with shit isnt what makes it good or bad. I mean, we know this, right?
I wonder if you and Sky both like to push peoples’ buttons (not in a good way), so you can sit back and feel relatively controlled and composed. Like, laugh at the fools who are stupid enough to take something seriously, you know? Im not on a high horse because i used to do the same thing- i would hold a coveted toy up over my head while my mom’s friend’s shorter daughter would flail around me shreiking, just so she would lose it and id keep it. But..that was when I was, like, 7 years old. You say “It’s not (your) thing” to take the enjoyment out of shit for people, but I wonder if that’s EXACTLY what you and Sky thrive on- saying shit OBVIOUSLY to bate SOMEONE, and then getting some sense of control by sitting back and watching people shit. When in reality, im not feeling strong emotional reaction to any of this- to me, its just dialogue. You guys ,on the other hand, might very well be having a more emotional reaction than I am- you might be those people who feel joy at causing others discomfort, which is what u said u DONT do. So i dont know..maybe im reading too much in but…i just have a real hard time believing u really were saying that baloney with the sole purpose of “it’s soooooooo funny!”
And dont be obtuse- Obviously you havent made it physically imossible for me to express my thought. Obviously.
And, yes, of course, the fact that someone has made a FACEBOOK PAGE about something AUTOMATICALLY means it’s a great thing to endorse. Absolutely. I wonder what else you can find that is GREAT, and also has 7000 idiots who agree?? Please understand that is a rhetorical question.
Great. Now I have that cheesy 80′s song, “Too much time on my hands” in my head now, thanks.
But, what DO i get out of it? Not pleasure at taking way all yr yuks, believe me. Probably just the knowledge that life’s too short and im too old not to say what i think. I just dont give a shit . Also probably a little bit of interrupting yr little bubble of co-congratulatory agreement I was describing. it’s healthy for you. Maybe causing you to think “do i have a good reason to say this?” in future?
