Fictional Motherhood #8: Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Dashwood

There are not that many mothers in Jane Austen's fiction. Anne Elliott's mother is long dead, though she was presumably good enough at finances to keep her husband in check. What her relationship with Anne was like we can only guess at, based on how her daughters turned out. Fanny Price's mother appears only on a couple of occasions in Mansfield Park. She is overwhelmed by a sheer number of children and if not slovenly, seems to have given up on parenting for the most part. Certainly, when she gives Fanny up, she does not seem to shed any tears. Emma's mother is also absent and I can't remember anyone talking about her at all. Emma is mostly raised by her dear companion, who becomes Mrs. Weston, and she seems a good parenting figure, but is mostly known for her inability to control Emma and her over-indulgence. But she is practically a child herself.

There are other mothers as figures in the minor characters of the books. Mrs. Bates and Miss Bates are visible as characters, but we don't feel much for them but pity and a little annoyance, as Emma herself does. Frank Churchill's relationship with his foster mother is rather looked down on. She manipulates him with her illness. He does what she asks because she is rich. Not a particularly good mother figure, but neither do we know much about her personality. Jane Fairfax? Who is her mother? No real knowledge there. Harriet Smith has no mother, either. We have Lady Catherine de Burgh as an example of one of the most overbearing mothers in literary fiction, and her daughter Anne has no personality at all, it has been so swallowed up by her mother. The example of Mary Elliott Musgrove's mothering to her sons is not particularly inspiring, either. She is also a hypochondriac who seems to have little to do with her time except take up other people's. I don't know whether to feel sorry for her or not. She chooses to go out to a party while her son is ill at home with Anne.

So, the main mothers of Jane Austen's fiction are Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Dashwood. Mrs. Bennet is a rather ridiculous figure. Her husband has no patience with her and we laugh at him poking fun at her. We feel sorry for him that he is stuck with a "silly wife." He chose to marry based on beauty rather than wit, and he gets to some degree what he deserves, which is to stay in his library most of the day while his wife allows their daughters too much license--and Lydia goes wild. Jane and Elizabeth are, we think, more to the credit of Mr. Bennet than their mother. But what kinds of assumptions are we making here?

Mrs. Bennet (like Lydia) loves the beach. She loves a soldier's uniform. She loves dances and parties. She loves socializing. She wants to see her daughters married. She tries to get her husband to do things to help her daughters be married. These essential facts really do not merit the negative, censurious view we often take of Mrs. Bennet. Is she less intelligent than her husband? Well, she would certainly have less time to spend in the library. She does not retreat from social interaction as he does. She thrives in it. She is most happier than he is, as well. He makes fun of his neighbors. She enjoys their company.

For years, I have enjoyed looking down on Mrs. Bennet as Mr. Bennet does, but I am a bit more critical of this attitude now. She is one of the few mothers in fiction we actually have an idea about, in terms of personality. She is supposedly foolish, but honestly, her attitude seems far more likely to lead to happiness than her husband's. And if she isn't smart, then is that her fault or the fault of her parents? And her husband, who spends so little time with her and just makes fun of her? She doesn't read a lot--so what? I imagine what it would be like as a parent to know that your two older daughters look down on you as your husband does. How painful would that be? And yet she still tries her best to give them advice. She doesn't like Mr. Darcy, but then, neither does Mr. Bennet. How had is her judgment there? I find it interesting to look at the various movie versions of Mrs. Bennet and see which actresses play her as feckless and which play her as having a distinct, interesting pov. I like the Kiera Knightley version for this.

And on to Mrs. Dashwood, the second wife of John Dashwood, who married a much older man as Marianne marries Colonel Brandon. Presumably she was very pretty in her day and she still considers herself young, based on her setting down of Marianne. She is not much older than Colonel Brandon herself, and one wonders if they might have been a match. But no, of course not. No mother would marry a man who would be suitable for her daughters. That would be taking their chance from them. But is there any hope that Mrs. Dashwood will ever marry again? What about Cousin John? This is not something that Jane Austen really goes into. Mrs. Dashwood is a mother. She does not really have any personality beyond her mothering. No wishes beyond what is best for her daughters. No thoughts beyond propriety. Her only flaw is that she is bad with money and therefore has to have Elinor help her find a proper place to live and to buy the proper food.

What to make of these mothers in Jane Austen? Perhaps nothing more than that Jane Austen was not a mother herself and therefore did not see that pov very clearly. She certainly watched mothers carefully enough. And she mocked many characters in her fiction, not only mothers. But spinsters seem to have more personality than mothers. Maybe that was one of the costs of motherhood that she calculated in her decision to remain unmarried. Maybe in her mind, having an interesting personality was something that was sacrificed for children. Jane Austen herself seemed to feel that she could not have both literary children and literal children. We live in different times, or at least I hope we do.