tf2-weapons-101:
SAY ONE DAY YOU’RE PLAYING HEAVY. YOU’RE SAD...
SAY ONE DAY YOU’RE PLAYING HEAVY. YOU’RE SAD AND PROBABLY CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH BECAUSE YOUR TINY LEGS CAN ONLY CARRY YOUR HULKING BODY SO FAST. SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU HEAR A LOUD CRACKING SOUND AND YOU’RE OFF, RUNNING LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKER FLASH. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST GOT INTRODUCED TO THE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
THE DISCIPLINARY ACTION IS A SUPPORT WEAPON FOR SOLDIER. “BUT TF2-WEAPONS-101!” I HEAR YOU CRY, “I’M A MANLY SOLDIER AND PLAYING SUPPORT IS FOR FUCKING BABIES THAT CAN’T PLAY OFFENSE!” WELL, SHUT YOUR FUCKING WHORE MOUTH, BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG AND STUPID AND PROBABLY ALONE IN LIFE. SUPPORT SOLDIERS CAN TURN A DECENT TEAM INTO AN UNSTOPPABLE TEAM, AND IF YOU PLAY LIKE ME YOU WANT TO BE MOTHERFUCKING UNSTOPPABLE.
IN EXCHANGE FOR LOSING 25% OF THE DAMAGE OF THE SHOVEL, THE STRAIGHT-FROM-A-BAD-PORNO RIDING CROP SPEEDS UP TEAMMATES YOU HIT WITH IT BY 20-40%, DEPENDING ON THEIR CLASS. AS A BONUS, YOUR SLOW ASS GETS THE SPEED BOOST TOO. NOT LISTED ON THE ITEM’S STATS IS THE LUDICROUS RANGE UPGRADE—70% MORE, WHICH IS MORE THAN THE EYELANDER AND LETS YOU HIT ENEMIES BEHIND YOU. THIS IS TO MAKE IT EASIER TO BOOST A GROUP OF TEAMMATES, AND BOY HOWDY DOES IT WORK. YOU FUCKERS WILL BE SPEEDING ACROSS THE MAP LIKE A GROUP OF BADLY STEREOTYPED MEXICAN MICE.
ASIDE FROM WHIPPING YOUR FRIENDS IN THE ASS, IT’S ALSO A DAMN GOOD SPYCHECKING TOOL—DISGUISED SPIES DON’T GET BOOSTED, SO HITTING A SUSPICIOUS LOOKING TEAMMATES WILL TELL YOU IF THEY’RE A DISGUSTING FRENCHMAN OR NOT. ALL IN ALL, THE DISCIPLNARY ACTION IS THE FUCKING KING OF SOLDIER SUPPORT MELEE.
