RETROSPECULATION
In order to ensure I have a legacy that lives on long after I am dead, (you gotta have something, right?) I have a created a new word for the English language.
RETROSPECULATION: (n.) (v.) the act of examining one’s past in order to understand one’s present circumstances and in so doing, to make accurate forecasts and decisions for one’s future. (v.) to retrospeculate
Allow me elaborate.
Take a moment and consider where you are right now.
Where you are physically at this moment, sure, but also where you are at in life. Your job, your relationships, your health…
And now really think about everything that you had to do to be where you are. All the tests you had to pass, the planes you had to catch, the job interviews, the cheeseburger eating contests, the TV shows you watched, the serious conversations you’ve had with friends and family that really affected the way you think, the taxi rides, the receipts, the lawyer’s meetings, the countless mornings you woke up hungover swearing you’d never do that again. The accidents you’ve had, perhaps?
All of these actions, experiences, and decisions were integral to you being you, tonight. And to think if you had missed that plane, or scored higher on that Anthropology test well…you might not be sitting here tonight. Who knows where’d you be? What kind of person you’d be?
I find it fascinating to consider that idea. They always say things are clearer in retrospect.
The idea to fuse retro with speculation came to me because exactly one year ago I was hit with a life experience that forced me to speculate on my future, big time. On October 17th, 2011, I was diagnosed with a condition called GBS ~ Guillian Barre Syndrome. I almost died, and it was outrageously scary.
Basically, GBS is an auto-immune disorder so severe that the outer casing to the nerves in my entire body died, shutting my system down completely. Out of nowhere I felt tingling in my hands and feet, then I couldn’t walk properly, my hands started clawing up, then I couldn’t walk and my diaphragm began to falter. All this in the space of a week ~ and then BOOM ~ I was put into an induced coma and I woke up 5 weeks later, paralyzed.
The experience has totally changed my life. 5 months in hospital, paralyzed for six weeks, tracheotomy, learned to walk again, went to rehab with very severe spinal chord victims, and am still on long term disability because my system is too comprised, too exhausted to work.
I’ve examined my past, I’ve learned from it, grown from it. I’ve had an amazing life. A rich upbringing full of love, a professional music career, lots of academic exposure and world travel ~ I even drank tea with a Pakistani family at their gourmet hotdog restaurant in Amsterdam. A talk for another time, perhaps.
Because I got GBS, one of the best things that has ever happened to me btw, I’ve made some decisions to improve my future I may not have otherwise. I moved in with my girlfriend here, and am now engaged to marry her this Christmas. I finished my new novel. I have decided that I want to live a slower, more purposeful life creating art and giving back to my community because my life as a vice principal and masters candidate wasn’t fulfilling enough for me. I am lucky, humbled, grateful, and stronger than ever before.
Retrospeculation. Whether you’ve had a life-threatening experience or not, give my new word a try. Take stock of what’s been and what you want to become. Your future may really improve because of it.
