"Before you say anything I'd like to remind you that I'm holding an ax."
Watching lots of detective shows can give ideas for two things. How to pull off the perfect crime, and how to avoid murderers. And, since I don't plan on pulling off the perfect crime I have decided to put all my concentration into learning how NOT to get murdered. You know, just in case.
Here is a list, just in case you ever get the feeling you are about to be murdered.
1. Avoid basements. Nothing screams murderer like a basement.
2. Whenever possible avoid kitchens. Kitchens are full of good murder weapons. Also, lots of people die in kitchens when home alone or at night. If you plan on having a midnight snack when home alone take the snack into your room before bed and stay there.
3. NEVER under ANY circumstances let your tea pot whistle. NEVER. This is key. Do you know how many people are killed the moment their pot whistles?
4. Attacks on stormy nights should be avoided. If you hear noises up there, don't go see what it is. It never ends well. Go visit your aunt for the night. Take your favourite pillow and call the police in the morning.
5. If you discover a villain's plan it is never wise to confront him on it. Don't go calling on him at nine at night to tell him you know all about what he is doing. Go to the police instead. They will find it more interesting and you will find it less deadly.
6. If someone black mails you, tell the police. NEVER go to the black mailer and say, "Oh yeah! You won't get away with this!"
7. Don't go jogging on the lonely forest path early in the morning. In fact, avoid lonely forest paths. They attract murderers like light attracts bugs. It is their hangout.
8. Stay out of alley ways. Now, I know this looks impossible in movies, but it really isn't that hard. Just, stay on the main road. This shouldn't even be listed, everyone should know this.
9. Don't mock a would be killer. It never ends well.
10. On that same note, it isn't wise to tell a would be killer that he doesn't have the nerve to do it. Nothing gives people the nerve like someone saying they won't do it.
11. Never work late in an empty building. No work is that important. Save it for the morning. Because if you do that, you will live long enough to do it in the morning.
12. NEVER park your car in a parking garage. Never walk in a parking garage. Never get into some else's car in a parking garage. Just, avoid parking garages. They aren't safe.
13. If there is a shady character in the elevator, get in anyways. Nine out of ten, the shady characters in the elevators are safer then the masked man you will meet when you decide to take the never used stair case.
14. And lastly. If someone doesn't like you and they come to a party where you are and yells, "I will kill you!" Hang out with some friends for the next year. Sure, he sounded drunk when he made the threat, but this is a supposed genus you're up against here. Very likely this is his attempt to pull of the perfect crime. Don't give him the chance to try it.
It also wouldn't hurt to watch lots of crime shows so you too will know all the best ways to avoid murderers. Most of the time it is just using common sense, and staying out of parking garages, but it never hurts to have a little extra help. And then, if you ever run into Sherlock you will be slightly clever and he might allow you to help him in solving a crime.
Quote is from Elementary.
Allons-y!
Here is a list, just in case you ever get the feeling you are about to be murdered.
1. Avoid basements. Nothing screams murderer like a basement.
2. Whenever possible avoid kitchens. Kitchens are full of good murder weapons. Also, lots of people die in kitchens when home alone or at night. If you plan on having a midnight snack when home alone take the snack into your room before bed and stay there.
3. NEVER under ANY circumstances let your tea pot whistle. NEVER. This is key. Do you know how many people are killed the moment their pot whistles?
4. Attacks on stormy nights should be avoided. If you hear noises up there, don't go see what it is. It never ends well. Go visit your aunt for the night. Take your favourite pillow and call the police in the morning.
5. If you discover a villain's plan it is never wise to confront him on it. Don't go calling on him at nine at night to tell him you know all about what he is doing. Go to the police instead. They will find it more interesting and you will find it less deadly.
6. If someone black mails you, tell the police. NEVER go to the black mailer and say, "Oh yeah! You won't get away with this!"
7. Don't go jogging on the lonely forest path early in the morning. In fact, avoid lonely forest paths. They attract murderers like light attracts bugs. It is their hangout.
8. Stay out of alley ways. Now, I know this looks impossible in movies, but it really isn't that hard. Just, stay on the main road. This shouldn't even be listed, everyone should know this.
9. Don't mock a would be killer. It never ends well.
10. On that same note, it isn't wise to tell a would be killer that he doesn't have the nerve to do it. Nothing gives people the nerve like someone saying they won't do it.
11. Never work late in an empty building. No work is that important. Save it for the morning. Because if you do that, you will live long enough to do it in the morning.
12. NEVER park your car in a parking garage. Never walk in a parking garage. Never get into some else's car in a parking garage. Just, avoid parking garages. They aren't safe.
13. If there is a shady character in the elevator, get in anyways. Nine out of ten, the shady characters in the elevators are safer then the masked man you will meet when you decide to take the never used stair case.
14. And lastly. If someone doesn't like you and they come to a party where you are and yells, "I will kill you!" Hang out with some friends for the next year. Sure, he sounded drunk when he made the threat, but this is a supposed genus you're up against here. Very likely this is his attempt to pull of the perfect crime. Don't give him the chance to try it.
It also wouldn't hurt to watch lots of crime shows so you too will know all the best ways to avoid murderers. Most of the time it is just using common sense, and staying out of parking garages, but it never hurts to have a little extra help. And then, if you ever run into Sherlock you will be slightly clever and he might allow you to help him in solving a crime.
Quote is from Elementary.
Allons-y!
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